Verum, Fun Facts, and Terror Tortillas:
Verum was finally - after years of waiting - going to try to go to school again. She, unlike many kids of her age, was excited for school, looking forward to it. She was turning 14 this next month and she still and never attended as so much of a single day of school. She for one knew not why she could not attend school, obtain an education.
I do though.
Who am I? I bet you, among others, would like to know the answer to that simple question. However, by giving you that answer I would be... jeopardizing your health and well being. So, as you can see,(or rather read?) I cannot answer that. But I can, however, tell you about her. About Verum. The reason she never had an education. Why she wanted an education so badly.
But before I dive into that rough sea, I must tell you this…
-SHELBI FUN FACT #1
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
“Why must I tell you that? Why is it so important? What is the point? Can we hear the story now?” These are a few of the many questions I have received regarding the “Shelbi Fun-Facts.” But I am here to assure you that they are quite necessary.
Anyway, Verum was turning 14 this next month and she still had never attended as much of a single day of school as I have mentioned earlier. And now she was on her way to the bus stop, for which she would ride to school. Only, the bus never came. Not then. Not ever.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #2
The tradition of giving teachers apples goes back to 16th century Denmark, where teachers didn’t earn enough for food so parents would send their children to school with an apple for them.
Verum had tried countless times to go to school. But it had never worked. So she walked home (in the rain of course because all sad things happen in the rain.) Her hair was soaked and her tears invisible, for the rain streaked down her face along with them.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #3
When rain falls, it creates air pockets, which contain small amounts of geosmin. The rain traps and then releases these air pockets, dispersing geosmin into the air, where it’s free to travel to human noses. The smell of rain even has a name: “Petrichor.”
Of course, Verum had tried to go to school before. Such as in kindergarten, for example. On the day she was supposed to attend her kindergarten class, she mysteriously got the flu. After the bug had taken its course, Verum broke her leg. “in her sleep,” the doctors explained. She had tried numerous times to get to school. But every time she tried, she failed. Eventually, she and her mother decided that she would stay home. Be home-schooled. Vernum reluctantly agreed and never attended school herself.
Now, being approximately 14 years old, the sad child opened the door of her home, calling for her mother.
“Mom?” She sniffled.
Her mother wouldn't be too pleased to find out about the missing bus. She’s really been looking forward to the day that she could have the house to herself.
No reply, this was definitely not normal.
Where was her mother? She did not know. I do not know. But I do know that the child was worried about her. Worried sick. Why? Because her mother NEVER left the house.
“MOM!” The sound that came out of her mouth was not a pleasant one. Nor was it an okay one. The terrible screech that came out of her mouth would remind you of your worst memory. The most terrible thing that has ever happened to you wrapped in a tortilla of terror.
It was a horrid sound.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #4
An estimated 10-20% of the population has Pteromerhanophobia, a fear of flying…
I, the Poet:
She lay in her bed.
Resting her head.
What if her mother was dead?
I’ve never been much good at poetry, but it’s worth trying...
Her eyes flew open.
She had to find her mother.
But that would be hard…
A Haiku. Simple poetry really. Yet, I still struggle to write one.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #5
The first line is five
Seven syllables come next.
Five is in the last
Haikus are simple
And well-liked by many folks
You could write one now
Right then and there Verum decided to find her mom
Even if her journey would be arduous and long
So reluctantly she jumped out of her nest
She put on her clothes and hoped for the best
Then she walked out of the door, trying to stay calm.
Only to run smack into her mom.
“MOM?” she said, with her face as a frown
“I thought that you’d disappeared, and gone out of town!”
“NO, SILLY!” her mother smiled and cheered.
“Why would I go off and just disappear?
I simply ran to the store to go shop!
I was craving some delicious pizza and pop.”
Then she revealed what she had left Verum for,
That soda and pizza she’d got from the store.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #6
Most women spend about eight years of their life shopping.
“Sorry!” she said again. “For some reason, I thought you’d been kidnapped or something.”
“I am a grown woman Verum. I don’t get kidnapped.” She smiled.
“Okay, okay! Apology accepted. Now we need to start your schoolwork.”
Verum left the living room with a groan.
However, one question was still bothering Verum. Why had her mother left the house? She NEVER left the house. Ever. Especially not over some silly craving…
Now I know what you're thinking, this is some kind of cliché - Mom conceals something important from her daughter. Daughter figures it out. Daughter goes on some quest, finds out her mother is more than she said she was.
I’ve rescued you from the tedious details, but that is fundamentally the plot of this clichéd story. HOWEVER! If you wish to read it anyway go ahead. Or you could easily just end it right here and now. There’s no difference to me.
(Unless you would like to keep reading...)
Shall We Continue?:
So you decided to continue with the story huh? Interesting choice, but who am I to tell you to do anything different.
By this time, it’s basically night for Verum. She is now finished with her day’s schoolwork and is still skeptical as to why her mom left. So, she decides to spy on her.
Of course, I’m not really spying. Verum told herself as she walked down the hall. Just checking on her. Making sure she’s safe and all…
And with that, she opened the door to her mother’s bedroom, making sure the hinges didn't creak.
What she saw would change her life forever.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #7
Bananas are, in fact, radioactive. If only slightly.
Now I know that seemed random, unnecessary even, but let me assure you once more,
These facts are very necessary! So necessary even that-
-SHELBI FUN FACT #8
When you sneeze, the sneeze will travel out of your nose at over 100 m.p.h.
In actuality, this information comes from-
-SHELBI FUN FACT #9
Everyone's tongue print is different. (a lot like fingerprints.)
Seriously… I don’t like to be interrupted… Not even by you-
-SHELBI FUN FACT #10
Lots of people don’t like their secret identities to be revealed…
Okay! That wasn’t even a fact! But I guess I can see where you’re coming from. No sane person would knowingly give away their secret identities…
-SHELBI FUN FACT #11
One single strand of spaghetti is called a “Spaghetto.”
Will you STOP that?
-SHELBI FUN FACT #12
Off in Nebraska, there is a town that is called Monowi. There is only one resident currently dwelling there. She is Mayor, Librarian, and Bartender.
Are you done?
It seems to be so.
Now I will continue with the tale-
-SHELBI FUN FACT #13
I think there are very few interesting stories in our world today. This one does not make the list.
Did you just say “I think.”?? THAT IS NOT A FACT!
-SHELBI FUN FACT #14
There is a small village in Michigan called Hell. Every year, it freezes over.
Okay. That's it. I'm ending the chapter.
Interruptions, no more:
Okay… I think our interruption has been… taken care of?
Sometimes I get annoyed by all of those fun facts and it’s hard to keep my cool. Thank you for your understanding.
Anyway, Verum was-
-SHELBI FUN FACT #15
The brain is wired so that most people only remember negative things.
I see how it is.
If this really isn't going to stop then tell me why you must continue to interrupt me.
I guess I will continue then?
Upon creaking open her mother's door Verum found herself staring right into the eyes of a man.
“Who is he? She shouted, not able to control her anger. “Why is he in our house?”
Her mother looked at her, startled, from the other side of the room.
“Honey! Why are you here!?”
“I just wanted to check on you.”
“You were spying?”
Her mother looked at her with an expression that said, “If you don’t get out of here this instant I will personally see to you beheading.”
Verum ran out of the room and hid under a blanket on the loveseat.
Her stomach was flipping around too much for her liking, and she felt rejected.
At least the blanket was soft?
The Tall guy and his fleet of weird donkeys:
From the diary of Verum A.
Wednesday, May 24. 3:56 p.m.
According to my mother, that dude in her room is a painter. He’s here to paint our walls or something.
I’m not buying it though.
I mean, sure he’s pretty tall, which is a good attribute to have if you are a painter, but something sketchy is going on and I think he has something to do with it.
Wednesday, May 24. 4:37 p.m.
Okay, he’s leaving now and I think my mother will talk to me about him soon?
Wednesday May 24. 4:49 p.m.
This is weird, tall guy doesn't even have a car… He just left on a cart thing being pulled by…
This day just keeps getting weirder.
Wednesday, May 24. 6:13 p.m.
Any day now mom.
She’s acting so strange.
I don’t like it.
Not one bit.
I’ve decided to go talk to her.
Thursday, May, 25. 7:32 a.m.
My mother was looking at me like I was crazy when I decided to confront her. Then she told me to go to bed.
I wonder what she’s hiding…
What she’s keeping from me.
Thursday, May 25. 8:30
I've been waiting for my Mother to come teach me for thirty minutes now. Usually, my mom is very punctual. She’s never late to a lesson, especially not thirty minutes late…
Thursday, May 25. 12:00
Guess I won't be doing lessons today.
Thursday May 25. 3:00
I went out to get the mail a few minutes ago.
There was a letter in there addressed to mom.
I know reading it would be rude.
But she deserved it.
You would have done the same.
I still can't believe what it reads.
I’ll leave it in here for now, no use giving it to her just yet.
I know that you like to keep secrets, give others the benefit of the doubt, but do you really still think we should leave your daughter out of this? Keeping all of this from her could result in tragedy. We don't want anything bad to happen to your family. If you really still believe that your daughter should be left in the dust, we understand and will continue with our plans.
It’s not signed.
-SHELBI FUN FACT #16
44% of children in the Commonwealth of Virginia prefer their TV sets to their fathers
(I think I might turn this story into a book or Novel It was getting a little long for the contest, and I didn't want to give a swift, not very satisfying ending, so here's the first bit I guess)
Sorry if anybody hates me for leaving this unfinished.