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You looked out the window and, not for the first time, thought about how wrong the weather forecast had been. It said sunny but it's fucking raining blood, boy! You cleave the gargoyle in half with the help of a mighty blade. Look at that thing; it's fucking huge! It hums in your hands, delighted by the life you keep feeding it. As you slit the throat of an imp, its head rolls beneath your muscular feet. A motherfucking champion, that's what you are! Kicking that stupid face sends it flying in the arms of its youngest. Oh man, you've done it now... They swarm from all directions. You disembowel one with the tip of your heater shield, stomp the head of another, slice, and dice a few cousins; you save the youngest for desert. You fucking smash its head with your bare hands, adding a layer of brains to your garments. It looks quite slimming, next to the guts and crusty bloodstains. Those things we're pushovers, time to face the trolls. Because you rock an eighteen in wisdom you came fully prepared. Pouring oil on the blade your voice echoes within the cave, something like <it's about to get hot in here> or <burn, you sons of bitches!>. Then you strike your steel gauntlet on the rocky wall and light your blade. Goddam you're so fucking awesome! Blocking a fearsome claw swipe and using your bulging shoulder muscles, you position your body under its armpit. The blade sings as it over-penetrates, slicing through flesh and bone. Flames engulf the beast as it shrieks its torment. The other two gang up on you. Using the skill the retired mercenary passed on, you unleash the mighty widow-spin. Oh man, that's so cool! Look at you: a whirlwind of death and destruction, fire and vengeance.

They pile dead at your feet. Breathing heavily you latch the shield to your back and sheath the demonic blade. Taking the helm off you bend a knee and softly touch the woman's face. She's so glad you came for her. That tore dress, messed up hair, sweaty, glistening, golden skin makes her look like a blue-eyed forest nymph. Just as you break the chains and lean in to take her in your enormous arms she gets a fucking spear through her sweet chest. Oh shit, you mad now, bruh! Those fuckers killed your girlfriend. What are you gonna do now? Enraged you cry out her name accompanied by the traditional <nooo!>. Towering from across the cavern, an oily red-skinned demon the size of two men stacked on top of each other howls in mockery. It has a wolf's face, claws like daggers, and a huge bulge under its loincloth. That doesn't impress you; although still a virgin, you remember King Fish-breath's words < it's not the size that counts it's how high your charisma and dice-rolls are. Oh, and I hate fish…>

You slowly unsheath the blade. It sings and hums, spurring you on to massacre that titan. The kill count is high enough to summon the cavalry. You invoke ancient evils, unspeakable horrors to breach the veils of our reality; like rushing waters, they flow out of the earth's crust and pierce your chest. Oh fuck, now you're cooking! You rush the beast and cut towards his forehead with lightning speed. Unfazed it blocks the blade with its talons and counters with a thrust to your stomach. You feel the tips inside your guts, breaking past your armor. You drop the sword in agony, clutching the demon's hand. It grabs you with its freehand and chokes the living shit out of you. This motherfucker is starting to piss you off. Digging deep inside your essence you summon the strength to pry open those suffocating claws. With utter hatred, you headbutt its stupid mug, splattering its maw. It drops you and bends at the knees. Sensing victory, you grab the sword and in one single elegant move, you slice its shins. The fucker buckles, dropping on all fours. Crisscrossing cuts on its chest expose the white of the ribs, blood draping you from head to toe. It's done for. It can barely hold its head up. You punch a hole clean through the mouth and exit the back of its skull, gore pouring out like oatmeal. Your rage knows no boundaries. It's not enough you killed everything in this cave. The ancients lust for more souls. Your demonic sword hums in delight as thick blood drips from its razor edge. Where will you go? What will you do now? You lost your girl, your best friend the mercenary is dead, King Fish-breath is out of town… When all is lost you remember your true self. Revitalized you stand up and do the only thing that brings you joy: looting corpses! Ah yes, a high-level sash on a gargoyle, a bitching helmet on one of the troll boys and the cherry on top: a magical ring that grants the wielder three wishes! What are you gonna wish for, oh behemoth of awesomeness? Also, remember I said you looked out a window, in this cave? Do you want your girl back, maybe she'll let you get to second base this time, eh? Resurrect the mercenary, hit the town, get plastered, and start a fight with the local thief guild? Then kill them all and rule as the new chief of tramps? Or maybe you want to sell the ring, repair your gear, and venture to a new land; where a powerful lich-king dwells and conjures up unspeakable evil? Whatever your wish, just remember: all is possible in the land of books, the land of imagination, where you are free to embrace your dork side. Just make sure to take a break once in a while. Those real tits aren't going to fondle themselves. Slowly, you pull yourself out of the imaginary and into the real world. You now have to answer people's questions, fucking look at them and hear their stupid voices. You have chores, responsibilities, commitments...Goddamit, real-life blows!

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34 comments

Harken Void
11:56 Jun 24, 2020

Well this didn't turn out like anything I could've expected. Hahaha, oh man, I felt like a jar-headed-goliath-barbarian with the voice of my chieftain screaming in my mind to kill, kill, kill! I disagree with Rhondalise on this one, I think the strong language added just the right touch to the story, fast pacing the shit out of the reader and not let them breathe until it was over and the real world came slamming down. As a D&D player I can appreciate the full scope of references and easter eggs in this story. The looting corpses hit the...

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Miles Gatling
18:01 Jun 24, 2020

Thank you very much Harken! I knew there must be someone out there who shares my train of thought. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and writing such a detailed analysis of it. Thank you for the advice, I'll try and keep sentences short and sweet. And thank you for agreeing with the language. That's how I feel about it too. Thanks bruh!

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Harken Void
07:04 Jun 25, 2020

No problem, Miles :) Keep on slicing and dicing with those oversized badass swords!

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Rhondalise Mitza
04:03 Jun 21, 2020

I love the premise of the story, but the language is so strong for me. You know, it's not usually a problem for me but this seemed like a lot of mature language and to be honest, I think the story would have been so much better without it. You have a lovely vocabulary most of the time, I wish I could've seen more of that in this story. I understand that sometimes obscenity can add a certain amount of edge to things, but if that was the case for this, the edge on this story could cut through steel! I'd just.. calm down. It makes the reader, e...

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Miles Gatling
05:04 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you, Mitza, for taking the time to read it. I appreciate the advice and how lengthy your review was. Sorry about the swearing and the overall negativity of the character. Oh, and I loved the edge comment; imagining myself as an angsty teen, wearing all black and saying "whatever mom." Again I sincerely thank you for taking the time to write your advice!

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Rhondalise Mitza
14:05 Jun 21, 2020

Haha, no worries edgy Miles! I’ll be looking forward to your other stories.

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Abigail Slimzy
13:24 Jul 19, 2020

What a Kool ending. Nice one, Miles. You can see my stories too. Like and comment if don't mind. Thanks

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Miles Gatling
15:22 Jul 19, 2020

👍 Thanks. I will

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Deborah Angevin
22:34 Jul 15, 2020

I loved this! Despite the strong imagery and the language, I still enjoyed reading it :) Would you mind checking my recent story out, "Orange-Coloured Sky?" Thank you!

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Miles Gatling
06:09 Jul 16, 2020

<in Bender's voice> I'm 50% bad words and strong imagery. Thank you, Deborah. I'll check it out.

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Grace M'mbone
13:11 Jul 06, 2020

I love your language and mastery of imagery most. Keep it up Miles. Great work.

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Miles Gatling
13:39 Jul 06, 2020

Thank you, Grace! I'll try

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Bella K
16:11 Jul 05, 2020

Hi Miles! This was a great story! I read two other stories of yours and they were SO good! You clearly have a future in writing! I am new to writing and looking for support. I recently posted my first story, if you wouldn't mind checking it out, I would love that!

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Miles Gatling
19:09 Jul 05, 2020

Thank you, Bella! That <SO> takes the cake.

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Bella K
18:50 Jul 20, 2020

Haha! I have a new story out now! Could you take a look?

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Anoushka Jain
10:58 Jul 03, 2020

Wow. This went......in an interesting direction. In a good way, I promise! I felt so caught up in your story, I felt like a whirlwind of death, disaster, and destruction about to avenge the blood of my clan, (if that makes sense, if it doesn't simply ignore it) and it took me outta the real world! I enjoyed the motivation and encouragement sprinkled here and there, and it made me cackle evilly. Also, about the usage of strong language, instead of reusing your assortment of regular terminology, (You used the f word 11 times, for an exampl...

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Miles Gatling
13:01 Jul 03, 2020

Hi Anoushka! Thanks for reading and giving me advice. I'll put it to good use in my next piece of shi- um, writing. I like it when people draw their own conclusions, like the clan option. If you want to know what my take was on the story let me know. Thanks for reading and liking my story.

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Anoushka Jain
13:19 Jul 03, 2020

Yeah I'd love to know! And no problem, it was fun to read!

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Miles Gatling
16:07 Jul 03, 2020

The truth is this guy is not nice at all. He enjoys killing. The f words, demonic blade, monsters are just filler.

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Anoushka Jain
12:07 Jul 06, 2020

Interesting. But then, who is he? What is he scared off? What makes him tick? (other than blood, destruction and gore) What is his ultimate ambition in life? (Other than murder) Why is he like this? Sorry for bombarding you with questions! I'm just curious about the character. if you haven't thought that far ahead I totally get it, don't worry!

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Miles Gatling
13:58 Jul 06, 2020

I'll try to describe him and keep it short. I only do this when someone asks me too. He is a psychopath. He works 9 to 5. It's addictive to him, the death of others. It's always been like that ever since he killed animals. He will move up to people in a few years.

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Amuelle Aguilar
14:14 Jun 28, 2020

Hey I love your description and the way you tell the story! I love it! You put the images to mind, I felt like I was really in the video game. Good job!

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Miles Gatling
14:37 Jun 28, 2020

Oh thanks, Amuelle! I love video games as well.

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Anna Chidiac
21:13 Jun 27, 2020

It's like 'Berserk' meets 'Never Ending Story'. ^_^ Fun read. I enjoyed it.

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Miles Gatling
05:28 Jun 28, 2020

:)) Yeah it's really cute. Thank you, Anna!

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Anna Chidiac
20:44 Jun 28, 2020

You're welcome. Thank you for liking my story. ^_^

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Liza Silva
05:53 Jun 27, 2020

This was a really intriguing piece. I really liked the intensity of the language and imagery. It felt to me like a story about one's investment in escapism and the bleakness of reality. Idk maybe I'm just projecting. Excellent work though!

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Miles Gatling
06:14 Jun 27, 2020

Thank you, Liza! You like fantasy? I do, it breaks the daily routine.

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Liza Silva
09:49 Jun 27, 2020

Your welcome, and I totally agree. :)

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Batool Hussain
11:25 Jun 21, 2020

Great story! Mind checking my recent story out? Thanks.

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21:57 Jul 27, 2020

Haha this was great. I think you could’ve broken up the monster paragraph, but other than that, nice job! Would you mind checking out my story ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)’ if you have a chance? If so, thanks!

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