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Pacing back and forth across the wooden floor of your home, you think to yourself most fervently. Should you go to this party? Should you just stay home and let everyone else enjoy the festivities? Did you have enough guests? Perhaps one more would do some good. It was an incredibly hard choice to make. You stop and take a deep breath, allowing the air conditioned air to slowly fill your lungs, calming your rushing mind. Slowly, you exhale your breath, able to finally find some calmness. Perhaps you should stay home, it might do you some good. 

The home you now stood in was spacious. It was a grand home filled with plush furniture,  soft rugs, and paintings of all kinds. It's a wonder why its previous owners didn’t try and protect it harder. They never really stood much of a chance, not to you. You...had a certain way with people, which made it easy to do what you did. 

You look around the sizable living room you now stood in. It was a lovely room, with a large throw rug in the center and plenty of places to sit. The large fireplace at one end did well to heat the room. Currently, it sat cold and dead, with nothing more than charred logs and ash from a previous fire. It had almost been absurd, lighting a fire in this heat. but without fire...how else would you have erased your presence?

You sit on one of the many plush sofas and think to yourself. It took a lot of work to make it to where you now were. You had to do many things that others would have called insane. To you, they were perfectly justifiable. A hand, smiting those who had done unspeakable wrong, at least in your eyes. Too bad no one else shared your views…

You had just closed your eyes for a momentary rest, when a loud knock came from the vicinity of the front door. Your eyes snap open as you silently slide off the couch and onto your feet. Inaudibly, you step through the halls of the mansion, making sure to avoid the windows. If someone saw you in here...it would surely mean trouble. After all the time you spent cleaning up the last batch of trouble that came to the door, you were beyond ready to deal with whoever this was.

At the door, a young woman, accompanied by a taller, older man, stood looking at the front face of the mansion. She didn’t live there, for if she had, she would have entered and you might have been found. She looked at the man standing beside her. “perhaps they aren’t home?” She says with a soft spoken voice. The man beside her shrugged his shoulders and knocked once more upon the oaken door.

Just on the other side, you sat listening...waiting...ready to do whatever you must to keep your presence there a secret. Perhaps these strangers would walk away, leaving you free to do as you had been. Perhaps they would try and force an entrance. You hoped for the second option. The second option sounded like so much more fun in your opinion. 

“Come on...we might as well go. They might be back later.” The older man said in a gruff voice before walking away. The woman looked saddened, but turned to leave. You took a moment to watch her. She was a beautiful girl, albeit a little plain. Her voice had been soft and light-spoken, but there was nothing wrong with that. She was sure to make a lovely bride someday, if she were ever to marry. 

You pause and think over your options. Inviting her to the event you had been planning sounded like fun. She didn’t look like the party person, but not many people were in the area. You looked out the peehole in the door to find her walking away. In a fit of desperation, you swiftly open the door and wrap a hand around her arm. You pull her inside, leaving her partner unaware of her absence. Before she has the chance to utter a single noise, you lock the door behind you. She pulled and yanked at the hand which covered her mouth, but yielded no success. 

“I've invited you to a little party of mine…” you whisper in her ear. The girl trembled, terrified out of her mind. “I would oh so enjoy it if you were to attend...of course….we’ll have to get you dressed up first…” At that statement, the woman jabbed an elbow into his stomach and wrestled to be free. You groan softly, but hold her tighter, retrieving something which had been hidden up your sleeve. “too bad...you would’ve had fun…” You whisper right before plunging the silver blade between her ribs. 

The girl barely had any time to utter a single word, for the blade had entered at precisely the right point to kill her almost instantly. You lay the body down and look at her. She truly did have a..hidden beauty to her...It was a shame you had to do something as terrible as that. unfortunately...it often resulted to actions of this nature..

You walk up the stairs of the mansion, intent on finding a new outfit for your new guest. You were sure the lady of the house had some particularly stunning outfits, having hidden in her closet earlier that night, before...dispatching the couple. The bedroom, much like the rest of the house, was overly spacious and luxuriously furnished. How someone needs this much space escapes you. 

You rifle through the closets, pawing through silks and satins, fabulous gowns and clothes you would hardly call fashionable. Finally, you find an outfit you deem appropriate for tonights’ gathering. You drape the baby blue dress over your arm and pick up the matching high-heeled shoes before making your way back downstairs to dress your newest guest. 

Once more, you pace in the living room of the mansion, mumbling to yourself. Should you go to this party? It took so long to plan, gathering the guests, finding outfits for them to wear. Planning a party was no easy feat, especially when no one knows you're throwing one. With a soft sigh, you check your watch. If you were to go, now would be a good time. everyone would be waiting for you. 

You straighten your suit, smoothing out the wrinkles. After putting on a bright smile, you walk through the doors to the dining room with a loud “welcome everyone! I'm so pleased You could make it.” The guests, from their seated position, don’t utter a word. how could they? They were all dead. Each tied to their chair with a party hat strung around their head. You check your watch once more. Perfect. As intended, you had arrived fashionably late. Now….the only thing left was to enjoy your party. clean up came after...and clean up was always the easiest part...

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32 comments

Anna Chidiac
14:43 Jun 27, 2020

I like the idea of using second person for a bad guy. Puts us right in their mind in a whole new way. But I noticed you kept on switching between past and present tense throughout the story. I think you wrote most of it in preset tense, but then sometimes slipped into past. Easy to do, if you're used to writing a certain way. Other than that, really liked it. ^_^

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Nolan Cox
23:34 Jun 27, 2020

Thank you! I really do appreciate the feedback! Thank you for reading.

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Abigail Mitchell
00:55 Jun 28, 2020

Haha, mine is about a party and "you" is the bad guy also. Maybe I'm not as original as I thought. If you're willing to take constructive criticism (though I'm not sure what qualifies me to give it), the line "It was an incredibly hard choice to make" can be omitted, because the pacing and the adverb "fervently" already show this without the narrator having to tell it. ;) Overall, I love the idea and I like how you delve readily into the narrator's thoughts. It was an enjoyable read.

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Nolan Cox
02:13 Jun 28, 2020

I'm very glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your helpful feedback

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Adam Kaia
10:34 Jun 27, 2020

What an interesting story Nolan. On the whole it's well written, with little clues about what is to come. The description of the house is an interesting one. I would suggest reducing some of the repetition. In a number of places you mention the spaciousness of the rooms. You could tighten that a bit. The end is good. I worry though, in modern writing, that you may not want to have a silent female victim. It would be good if we also had an idea of why he does what he does. Finally, your writing is very visual; it felt like watching a TV show...

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Nolan Cox
23:31 Jun 27, 2020

Thank you for reading and thank you for the feedback! It's very much appreciated

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09:50 Jun 27, 2020

Wow. This story is so interesting. I like the chills it gave me. I saw an error where you wrote 'the woman jabbed an elbow into his stomach' That makes me think this story was originally written in the third person. But it's still great, nonetheless. I enjoyed every single part of it from the descriptions to the homicidal character. Keep writing! Could you also check out my story, Silent Betrayer? I'd really appreciate if you read it and give me feedback.

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Nolan Cox
23:33 Jun 27, 2020

Of course! I'd be happy to. Thank you so much for the read!

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00:56 Jun 28, 2020

You're welcome :)

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Sonja Kreps
21:06 Jul 01, 2020

Wow, that took a twist I was not expecting! Loved the little details throughout that immersed me in the setting and allowed me to visualize it! A few capitalization slips at the end, not sure if intentional as the narrator got closer to his goal and slipped more into insanity.

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Nolan Cox
22:49 Jul 01, 2020

As much as I would like to admit it, those are indeed a mistake. Thank you for pointing them out though! I'm glad you enjoyed reading!

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Reena B.
17:02 Jun 30, 2020

I enjoyed your story. A gory concept, but interesting nonetheless! I have some feedback if you'd like: Keep consistent with your tenses. I also feel that some details could have been removed and/or replaced with others to add more to the story. This was so unique and creative! Good luck with your writing!

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Nolan Cox
17:20 Jun 30, 2020

Thank you for your feedback. It's very much appreciated!

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Grace Jarvis
18:42 Jun 27, 2020

I like the idea behind your story. I like how the bad guy is who we are reading as. It's interesting. I noticed there were some errors in tenses, though. Specifically, past and present. Otherwise, thanks for the good read! Oh, and could you read my story and provide feedback?

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Nolan Cox
23:30 Jun 27, 2020

Of course. I'd be happy to. And thank you for your feedback! It's very much appreciated!

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Grace Jarvis
01:02 Jun 28, 2020

Anytime!! :D

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Syeda Fatima
13:04 Jun 27, 2020

OMG! such an epic story, I really like the thrill.. just, Fabolous make sure to read my story as well LOVE IT!!!!

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Nolan Cox
23:31 Jun 27, 2020

Of course. Thank you for reading!

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Shirley Medhurst
10:08 Jun 27, 2020

What a chilling tale! (I noticed one tiny typo: the peehole instead of peephole - made me smile, although it didn't detract from the story in any way) Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your stories.

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Nolan Cox
23:32 Jun 27, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed and thank you for pointing out a typo. Glad I unintentionally made you smile!

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09:08 Jun 27, 2020

Hi Nolan! GREAT story Nolan! Loved it! I enjoyed reading your story!😊😉 Keep writing and have a great day Nolan!❤️️

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Nolan Cox
23:33 Jun 27, 2020

Thank you so much for reading! Have a wonderful day as well

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01:45 Jun 28, 2020

:)))))

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C. jay Loren
08:48 Jun 27, 2020

Quite a macabre story but I kind of liked it. It felt rather realistic as I’m sure (scarily enough) there are people out there who are like that!

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Nolan Cox
23:33 Jun 27, 2020

There are indeed, which made it easy to put myself in their mindset. Thank you so much for reading

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Batool Hussain
16:43 Jun 29, 2020

An absolutely wonderful story. Mind checking out my new story? Thanks.

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Nolan Cox
20:13 Jun 29, 2020

Of course! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy any future stories I write.

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Mehak Aneja
04:37 Jun 29, 2020

Great story!! Loved it. The narration was amazing. Mind checking my story and giving it a like and sharing your opinions on it?

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Nolan Cox
05:35 Jun 29, 2020

Of course! I'd be happy to! Thanks for the like, by the way!

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Nandan Prasad
15:31 Jun 28, 2020

Brilliant story with great second-person narration! It is interesting that you chose the killer to be the narrator. Also, would you mind checking out my story if it's not too much trouble? Thanks and good luck!

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Nolan Cox
18:37 Jun 28, 2020

Of course! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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Nandan Prasad
01:04 Jun 29, 2020

Thanks!

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