Contest #45 winner 🏆

Constellations

Submitted for Contest #45 in response to: Write a story about community.... view prompt

87 comments

Submitted on 06/12/2020

Categories: General

In the beginning, there was nothing.

Then, there was something.

An explosion, a gasp of light in a choking universe that breathed all we know into existence. Quarks and atoms bounced with sweet ecstasy, creation free to their whims. From dust they formed glittering galaxies adorned with brilliant balls of energy. Stars.

Stars were the pride of particles. Their fiery blaze illuminated the darkness, gave life and allowed other creations to be viewed. Up close, massive and glaring, but with an almost inexplicable allure. From a distance, gentle and charming, a reminder that even the blackest landscapes could be penetrated. Most life forms might as well be moths.

As Time traveled in her never-ending passage, the universe kept expanding. New stars were born, planets began to form, accompanied by their little moon sisters. Families formed, held tight in the arms of gravity. All the bodies lived in harmony and were appreciated, from plain asteroids to the glittering stars. They worked together to create melodies of color, an artwork from every perspective, and they were happy.

Eventually, the joy grew with the life that had sprung forth into the universe. Bacteria evolved into lush plantations of all colors. Organisms crittered out of crevices, or made them their homes. Slowly, but surely, sentient life formed their first, tiny civilizations. They worshiped the world that made and named them. In wonder of their origins. Creatures gifted with knowledge used their unique innovation to investigate and learn. Some races and planets moved faster than others, but they all held in commonality a reverence for their speckled skies. A respect. Even beasts possess a love for their kin.

After a few millennia, a new galaxy formed. Within it, a beautiful planet was birthed. Instantly, the universe welcomed another addition. Life had a special vibrancy on Earth. Her oceans were full and her forests were plentiful. All beings knew and respected the balance that supported them. Such understanding made Earth a continuation of the ardour fostered in the cosmos. Through hard and easy times, life persevered.  Especially a species self-declared as humans.

The planet adored her special children. When they stumbled to their feet and stood strong, she gleamed with pride. Their ingenuity led them far. They studied the best traits of their siblings and mastered them. They crafted tools to assist them, used the opposable thumbs they shared with their ancestors. They forged bonds with their wolf brothers and mirrored their pack tendencies. And just like them, they formed tribes, each with unique cultures and beliefs. However, unlike the animals they walked beside, they had the capacity to think, to be aware. They could share their findings and make even larger societies. But, their own stubbornness curbed them. Humanity had another unique trait.

In worlds far far away other beings were also cunning and resilient, but no other species in the universe had such a thing as “arrogance”. They began to take advantage of every resource they could get their hands on. From an initial glance, it seemed a natural course of the food chain. But soon it became clear that they had set their minds on using their abilities for one thing. 

Conquering.

They broke the balance of give and take and started their quest for domination. And they succeeded. Their egos became so grand so that they even dismissed the celestial bodies that had granted them their wondrous gifts. They became the first society to scorn the stars. Their need for superiority led them to seek to even take other planets. Humanity reduced once godly entities to simply their elements, ignoring anything that was not produced by them. They thought themselves unstoppable.

Earth grew more and more in pain and cried out to her own siblings and parents. She recounted her ungrateful children’s mission and transgressions, even to her. The universe is not cruel. They care for each other. Love all for they are all one.

It was proclaimed, “We must bring your children back to the light.”

So a plan was organized. The flashiest beings of the sky would gather to remind the humans of the glory of the skies, the unknown, and humble them. Violence was not once brought to the table. They hoped to reteach love and enchantment, reinforce mutual appreciation. War was never considered.

So. Stars not just from Earth’s own galaxy, but from all over the universe worked to form pictures with their forms. Constellations. Shapes of all kinds decorated the night. Beasts, gods, humans, whatever entertained the mind.

When the humans looked to the sky, awe once again filled their eyes. But not for the intended reason. Endless possibilities danced in their brains. They asked not, “What have I done wrong?”, but “How can I use this?”. It was discovered that the accuracy of their maps could be increased, they could travel to new, far off lands by memorizing the positions of the stars and their new artistic forms. Another tool in their box.

With enhanced navigation, subjugation was even simpler. Where members of their own species were a little behind, they chose not to reach out a hand, but to destroy and hand down plight like the gods they thought they were. And they no longer reined the horse of destruction at just themselves, no, they even began to abuse their own mother.

The universe wept. The moon feared she would be next. Earth was dying.

And the humans? Oh, they revered and “remembered”. Humanity said the stars were important. Just the stars. And it was not because of their beauty or grace. It was because it helped them in their ceaseless race.

A race that never existed because a challenge was never made. Not a soul encouraged the pursuit of “glory”, a bum rush to supremacy. Competition with no opposition is infinite. Humans and other humans. Beasts and other beasts. Galaxies, stars, planets, moons, asteroids, dust. All are able to coexist. To establish an undercurrent below a broken bridge of imaginary differences. Yet, one tiny infinite speck, a singular ash, can set a fire.

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87 comments

Zilla Babbitt
00:02 Jun 20, 2020

This is good! I like the great encompassing narration, the poetic way you write, like you're telling an epic. I love how you tie in constellations like they're supposed to remind us we're all human together. Well done, deserved win!

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Raven Quill
00:46 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I actually only recently learned what an epic is and it's so cool to hear that comparison. The constellations were my basis thought because I started with the solidarity prompt but I think it really evolved into something better. Again, thank you for your kind praise!!

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Zilla Babbitt
01:08 Jun 20, 2020

You're so welcome!

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13:29 Jul 18, 2020

You've used metaphors that I couldn't even imagine myself thinking of! Awesome work! Keep it up!

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Raven Quill
01:13 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I love making comparisons and creating my own relations, so I'm glad you could appreciate them :)

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10:43 Jul 22, 2020

You're welcome!!

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Writers Block
13:45 Jun 20, 2020

Great portrayal of the Big Bang Theory

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Raven Quill
15:28 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you :)

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Doubra Akika
02:27 Jul 23, 2020

This was very well written! Your writing has sort of a poetic nature that makes it it all the more intriguing. I also love how you started from the idea of the beginner. Like the Big Bang theory.

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Raven Quill
03:57 Jul 23, 2020

Thank you so much! I was indeed in part inspired by the big bang :)

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J. Ernst
19:46 Jul 09, 2020

Wow... This is a very well written , unique story. Nicely done.

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Raven Quill
03:01 Jul 10, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Avani Gupta
14:58 Jul 08, 2020

This is amazing, Raven! Congrats for your win!

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Raven Quill
22:24 Jul 08, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Harken Void
12:17 Jun 23, 2020

Wow, this was awesome! I like your style, Raven, it speaks to me. I loved the big picture perspective you took of reality and then slowly concise it down to the human level, showing that we are all not just a lonely speck of dust, but part of a greater and larger whole. The way you described celestial beings forming constelations in the sky to give humanity a message and how humanity egoicaly interpreted that message was just amazing! And I just love that last paragraph. "...a broken bridge of imaginary differences." I'm curious, how did...

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Raven Quill
17:59 Jun 23, 2020

Thank you so so much! I really was trying to show the interconnection, my dad has always said, "We're all star dust, baby". I actually got the constellation idea from the solidarity prompt, so I'm glad you liked it! With the bridge part, I love coming up with metaphors in general, but I was thinking of how there's the expression of "burning bridges" when relationships come to an end. Then I just liked the word undercurrent so I connected them and boom! That sounds super interesting!! I definitely will and look forward to giving some good ...

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Sophia Rose
22:47 Jun 21, 2020

This was beautiful and engaging. Your narrative is extra-ordinary. Congrats on a well deserved win

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Raven Quill
03:28 Jun 22, 2020

Thank so much!!! :)

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Amy Kathryn
03:22 Jun 21, 2020

What a story! I am still young and am still learning to perfect my writing skills but girl you have it! This story was amazing! I loved the way you wrote it and this will be a big help to improve my writing abilities. Thank you vs o much for submitting this.

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Raven Quill
05:00 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you so much! I am also still pretty young, so I'm so honored you think so!! Hopefully within the community we can all grow together :). I never thought I'd be thanked for a submission, that's super sweet. I appreciate it tons!!

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Laiba M
01:04 Jun 21, 2020

This was so beautiful and the writing was so dream-like to read! Congratulations on winning, Raven :) could you check out my latest story and leave feedback if possible? Thanks!

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Raven Quill
04:02 Jun 21, 2020

I like that comparison, thank you!! And sure :)))

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Laiba M
11:40 Jun 21, 2020

No problem, I loved reading this! And thank you :D

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Raven Quill
15:37 Jun 21, 2020

Yay! And of course!!

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Reela Sprite
20:39 Jun 20, 2020

This was just so beautiful.

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Raven Quill
00:57 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you so much :D

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Hope Wells
18:36 Jun 20, 2020

Very engaging narrative. I aprticularly liked the final sentence. Very powerful, moving and thought provoking. Congratulations on a well earned win.

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Raven Quill
18:57 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I couldn't figure out how to end it for a while so I'm glad you liked it :)

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Neomi Shah
15:52 Jun 20, 2020

Wonderful story! I loved the way you described and narrated the Creation, and how at the beginning everyone is selfless and beautiful but towards the end, the selfishness of humans has only resulted in their demise. The misuse of the stars is an amazing comparison with the way humans misuse nature to their advantage. A well deserved win! I would appreciate if you could check out my stories too!

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Raven Quill
16:40 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad my point came across so nicely! I'll check some of your stuff out too and I appreciate your praise :)

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Jessie Nice
09:47 Jun 20, 2020

Wonderful piece of writing x

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Raven Quill
15:28 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you very much :))

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08:43 Jun 20, 2020

It looks more like a narrative essay and not like a story. The story element has not been presented in an emphatic manner. Only the subject chosen has made this submission prize worthy. But for me it lacks the needed luster.

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Raven Quill
15:32 Jun 20, 2020

I understand your perspective. My father was actually mentioned this as well. In this story, my goal was language that evokes emotions while calling out human vice. I was not trying to make so much of a typical "story" so much as a like legend, taking it like some elders would tell children as a warning. Though I was also surprised by my win, I am proud and grateful all the same :)

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06:58 Jun 20, 2020

I really like when prose feels like poetry and yours definitely does! Well deserved win! You interpreted the prompt in a unique way!

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Raven Quill
15:35 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I was actually considering trying my hand at poetry! I'm so glad you thought it was different because my goal was to kind of put a spin on it :))

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Claire Simmons
04:18 Jun 20, 2020

I love the concept you have going here. I love seeing the beauty of the world being created. It's also quite heartbreaking for the stars to have been used for the completely wrong reason. I have to admit the last paragraph confused me, though. A race that never existed? Is this an alternative universe that could have happened?

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Raven Quill
06:31 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad my point got across :). I mean a race as in a competition, as in the humans were attempting to win some battle when no one really challenged them to do so. I hope that clarified!

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Claire Simmons
08:22 Jun 20, 2020

Yes, that definitely cleared it up, thank you! :)

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Nandan Prasad
03:47 Jun 20, 2020

Wow, this is a very nice story! The win is well-deserved. Can you also please check out my story? I'd really like to hear your feedback. Thanks and hope to see more of your stories!

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Raven Quill
06:31 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you so much, I'll definitely check out your last story :)

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Jn Park
03:23 Jun 20, 2020

You definitely deserved to win! Your words are woven in beautiful, sad magic that existed in the Creation. I just felt like I read one of the ancient legend:) Congrats!

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Raven Quill
06:32 Jun 20, 2020

That means so much to me, thank you so much! I'm glad the mystical vibe came through XD

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Daphne Lin
23:22 Jun 19, 2020

I love your take on the prompt 'community'!

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Raven Quill
00:43 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you! I actually started with the solidarity prompt, hence the constellation idea, and it just kinda of morphed so I'm shocked it did so well haha :)

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