Hey guys come here quick, can you smell that sweet aroma, man it’s been years since I smelt something like that. Guess we gotta take a look. Remember, whatever happens, we are all in this together right? Solidarity right? OK whose gonna volunteer to go out there? Hey Squeaky, it’s about time you shook your tail and did some work around here, get over here now!
Hold back now boy, let me take a sniff first, I don’t want you rushing into things and getting yourself hurt now! Hmm, I can’t sniff for my mouth a watering, wait! OK, I think security is asleep somewhere; I’ll just poke my head out and take a look. Mickey, what a god forsaken name that is, who named you Mickey for Christ’s sake, get over here with your sister. Take a hold of my tail and if I’m yanked forwards, you’d better yank twice as hard back! You gotta tight hold? OK here we go.
Seems clear out here, ’sept them contraptions lying all over the place. Boy someone could hurt themselves on those! You can let go of my tail now, I said YOU CAN LET GO OF MY TAIL NOW! Jeez, must be deaf or daft or both. Squeaky, get out here quick! Right, this is what you gonna do....
Get back, hide, there’s someone out there. Quiet Squeaky, security’s got big ears, can hear a whimper through a two foot thick wall! Wait one goddamn minute, they got some sort of cage out there, what the hell they doin with that? Listen you guy’s you’d better scatter until I see what’s happening out there. When the dangers over, I’ll give you three squeaks for the all clear. Squeaky, you stay here with me, but keep outta sight and keep quiet!
Hell, they’re takin the lid off that cage, they’ve got hold of security, man that thing can fight, and did you see it take a swing at that human? Security is up on the dresser now; see up there in the corner. Them humans are mad, they’re goin after it! Man they are brave. Phew did you see that slash Squeaks, drew blood, but they aint givin up....
Hey you lot, I thought I told you to scarper till things quieten down, what if security had come for us, we’d have run slap bang into you, could have got us all killed or captured, now go on get outta here till I give you the signal, man you’ll be the death of me!
What’s happenin Squeaky? Hey they got him, put him in the cage, boy is he upset, last time I saw someone as mad as that was your Uncle Vermin when he stepped on one of them contraptions over there, took his tail clean off, runnin round like spinnin top he was, man he laid down some moves, I never even knew he could dance!
Did you see that? The humans have taken security and walked right through that wall, shhhh listen. Three bangs, there’s that noise again, wait, yes it’s drifting off.
OK it seems quiet enough; I’ll take a peek, stay here.
Ok Squeaky here’s what you gotta do, you see them contraptions over there, don’t touch em, if you do and they bite you, you won’t know what’s hit you. Make your way over there and under that settee, stay underneath and keep your eyes open. Follow your nose forward to where security was being put in that cage. Climb up that leg and on to that table, see? On top of there should be the best smellin cheese you are ever going to smell even if you live to five. Now don’t get scoffing it all to yourself, we have to share it. Break off as big a piece as you can and push it over the edge. Me and the guys will be waiting to drag it back to the den. Don’t do anything that I haven’t told you to do and you’ll be safe. If the humans come back with security, get yer ass back here as quick as you can before they let security out that cage. If you can’t make the hole, stay under the settee, you got it? Right go!
Guy’s, get over here. Squeaky has gone for the treasure, we need to ferry the spoils back to the den. Right, you know the score, form a line from here to the bottom of the table, Squeaky will throw the gold down and we pass it down the line. Minnie, hey were your parents comedians, what a name to give a young lady! Now you’ve got the most important job of stackin it in the larder over there OK? Can’t give it to one of the boy’s they’ll eat it!
OK guy’s let’s go, we don’t know how long we got, watch those contraptions over there they don’t mess around!
Come on, come on faster, faster we aint got all day, I’m going up to help Squeaky, keep your eyes and ears open.
Hey Squeaky, watch where you’re throwin that cheese, I wanna eat it not wear it on my head.
Jeez, Squeak, there tons of the stuff, wow they got Cheddar, they got Roquefort, forget the Camembert, tastes like old wood! There it is, there’s my beauty, I can smell that from two hectares away with my head in a rat hole! Come here Squeaky, let me introduce you to the love of my life, Squeaky, Stinking Bishop, Stinking Bishop, Squeaky, now let’s stop fooling around and get this beauty back to base.
OK guy’s that’s about the lot, make your way back home now, we’re done here.
Shhhh, hey guy’s quiet, listen! Quick they’re back run for it. Come on come on run!
Jeez, Security is on my tail and he’s madder than Uncle Herbert! Get in Squeaky quickly, I’ll take him round the settee, but keep that god damn hole clear cos when I come in I aint stoppin for no one!
Squeaky, help me, security’s got my tail, pull me through, guys help! Pull, pull!
Phew that was close, hey Minnie, I may need a plaster on my tail, seems to be cut up a bit, pass me some of that stinking bishop whilst you’re at it, take my mind off the pain a while.
Well done guys, we won’t need to go out for a few days, good job really I can smell security, he’s sat right outside the hole and them humans ain’t happy one bit heh heh, while the cat’s away............
©Julian Race 17/05/2020