Wait Rachel! (Part 1)

Submitted for Contest #45 in response to: Write a story about change.... view prompt

32 comments

*I apologize in advance for any typos or mistakes, I had to write this on my phone, which was very challenging!!! I hope you enjoy and stay safe!*



I was having a difficult year, lots and lots of change. My parents got a divorce, my sister left us, (apparently she was tired of this family) and to top it all off my grandmother passed away yesterday.

It’s been hard but I’m getting through it. I am living with my mom, because my dad is too dangerous. I went from having a great big family to being an only child living with my mom. Well I guess I didn’t have a huge family. It was me, my dad, my mom, my grandma, and Rachel (my sister). We all loved each other, but we were all in our own orbits. At least it wasn’t just me and my mom. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom, but she can be a little crazy. 

For starters she has this theory that the Greek gods are real and she says they are going to protect us. The only thing they are protecting is people coming over to our house. We haven’t had a friend come into our house in about ten years.

Today was my first day of middle school, and I was determined to make some friends. Or maybe just not to be called ‘Creepo Catie.’ I don’t know why they called me that, I was your average preteen girl. Nobody even knew about my mom's crazy obsession. I guess I’m just not likable.

It was middle school though, there was bound to be some new kids. They wouldn’t know anything about me, and I could finally make some friends. The only problem was our ride to school. My school didn’t offer a bus, and my car was sort of run down. By run down I mean it doesn’t actually work, it's just there for decoration so my mom can brag to what she calls her friends. 

I could walk, but school was more than a mile away. I didn’t have a bike, or a motorcycle(not that I would be able to drive one anyway). Then it hit me, what if Rachel drove me to school! I doubt she would do that, she left for a reason. I could call her, she probably wouldn’t pick up though. 

I asked my mom if I could call her anyway. Of course she said yes. My mom was crazy but she said yes to almost everything. I went upstairs to my room, and picked up my phone from off my bed. I dialed her phone number and waited for the ringing. There was barely any ringing, Rachel picked up right away. “Catie thank goodness you called!” She sounded scared. I was just happy to hear her voice. We had been really close, I didn’t know she had even thought of leaving. She was only fifteen. 

“Rachel, I miss you so much! I’m glad you picked up! I just needed to hear your voice. It's been really hard just living with mom, and I am really missing you, dad, and grandma.”

“I miss you too, but I don’t have much time so listen. I was walking down an alley one day looking for a place to stay, and this man kidnapped me. He thinks I am some sort of god! You need to help me! I am in some warehouse on Cranes Street. I think he is going to run tests on me, I’m scared Catie! Come as soon as you can.”

“Wait Rachel!” She hung up the phone quickly. What was I supposed to do? Should I tell mom? No, she would be no help. I had to find Cranes Street, even if it meant I would miss my first day of middle school. 

“Mom! Mom!” I called out. I walked into different rooms searching for her. I found her cleaning up in the kitchen.

“Mom I decided I am going to walk to school. Rachel said she wasn’t going to drive me.”

“Okay, don’t get lost! Have a good day!” I walked out the front door ready for a search for my sister. What did she mean by someone thought she was a god? This man should really meet my mom. 

When I walked out the door, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I started walking in any direction, and looked for Cranes Street. I looked up directions on my phone, but there was no service. I was just gonna have to look the hard way. 

I walked for a while and then I heard a growl, my stomach. I forgot to eat breakfast! This was going to be a long day. I didn’t have any money, all I had was my phone (which had no service). I passed many streets but none said Cranes. It felt like hours past, and I had never been so hungry in my life! 

I was in a small neighborhood now, with very few houses. They had trash cans outside each house. Then I got an idea. Not a good idea but I was hungry. I opened the lid and found a half eaten sandwich. I held it up to my mouth and took a big bite. I’m not saying it tasted good but it was food, and that’s all I needed. 

I kept moving until the moon was out. I checked my phone to see what time it was. It read, 4:30. How did it get so late? My mom was probably worried by now. Or maybe she hadn’t noticed, she often didn’t. I was already tired, after all I had been walking all day. I found a shady tree in the neighborhood and fell asleep underneath it.

I woke up to the sound of a little girl screaming. She was hovering over me with her eyes wide open. “Mommy, mommy is she dead?” When she saw me open my eyes she took a step back. The girl's mother walked over, and stared at me for a while.

“Oh my! Are you okay? Do you need help? Would you like me to call your mother?” She could call my mom! I could go home! No, I couldn’t just leave Rachel.

“No, I’m okay. Must have just fallen asleep on the way home. You wouldn’t happen to know where Cranes Street would be, would you?” I tried to say that subtly.

“Cranes Street! Now why would you need to go there. All that’s on that street is an old creepy warehouse! Never mind my questions, of course I know where it is.” The woman had a southern accent and a sweet tone. I wondered what it would be like to have a mother like her. A mother who cared and asked questions. 

“Could you tell me how to get there? I’m good with directions.” I wasn’t good with directions at all. But I didn’t want her to walk me there, otherwise she would call the police. Rachel called me and not the police there had to be a reason for that. 

“Of course! Continue down this street and take a right. Then you are going to see a stop sign with a bunch of trees behind it. You are going to need to go behind the trees and you will see the street name. Be carful though, there is always shady people around there.” She waved me off, and I started walking again.

I walked to the end of the street and turned right. I saw the stop sign, it was bigger than I thought it would be. I looked at it for a while and than thought to myself. How did that woman know where Cranes Street was if it was hidden? I didn’t have time to worry about that now. I passed through the trees and saw the warehouse.


To be continued...


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32 comments

Grace M'mbone
16:10 Jun 22, 2020

I love that it has sprinkles of humour. It made my day. Lovely piece of work Evelyn.

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Evelyn Cloonan
19:06 Jun 22, 2020

Aw thanks, it means so much to me!!

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Len Mooring
01:30 Jun 19, 2020

I think I fell in love with you while I was reading your story. On a phone, and such a laid back style. I look forward to the Greek Gods turning up.

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Evelyn Cloonan
22:16 Jun 20, 2020

Aw that means so much to me!

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Rutvi Dhruva
10:31 Jun 18, 2020

This was so good, Evelyn! I love cliff hangers. Can't wait to read what happens next.

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Evelyn Cloonan
13:58 Jun 18, 2020

Yay!!! Thank you for reading!!!

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Kelly Vavala
15:46 Jun 16, 2020

Well done! Very descriptive and held my interest! Would you mind reading mine? Ashen Tears

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Evelyn Cloonan
17:23 Jun 16, 2020

I'd love to read yours!!

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Sarah Greenwood
03:26 Jun 16, 2020

Love this. Can’t wait to keep reading. Good job

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Evelyn Cloonan
14:07 Jun 16, 2020

Thank you so much! It means so much to me!

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P. Jean
20:22 Jun 15, 2020

Interesting!

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Evelyn Cloonan
20:25 Jun 15, 2020

Thank you!

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Huma Fatima
10:07 Jun 15, 2020

Lovely cliff hanger!. waiting for the next part.

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Evelyn Cloonan
18:30 Jun 15, 2020

Thanks for reading!

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Batool Hussain
10:53 Jun 13, 2020

Amazing!! Also, will u please check my recent story out? Thanks

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Evelyn Cloonan
15:26 Jun 13, 2020

Thank you and of course I will!!

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15:47 Jun 12, 2020

I can't wait for the second part!

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Evelyn Cloonan
20:26 Jun 12, 2020

Haha, me too!

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May Mills
22:27 Jun 11, 2020

What a cliffhanger! I’m so excited to see what you come up with next and how Rachel will be rescued. Well done!

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Evelyn Cloonan
20:22 Jun 12, 2020

Thank you!

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Roshna Rusiniya
15:09 Jun 10, 2020

This was beautiful. Very intriguing!

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Evelyn Cloonan
15:23 Jun 11, 2020

Thank you!

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A. y. R
06:29 Jun 09, 2020

Woah, so many twists and turns in this story! Really kept me on my toes guessing what would happen next

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Evelyn Cloonan
17:57 Jun 09, 2020

I’m glad! Thanks for reading!

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04:49 Jun 08, 2020

AMAZING story, Evelyn! I loved this story! Suspense and thrilling...can't wait for the second part of this story! Keep writing and have a great day Evelyn!❤️️😊

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Evelyn Cloonan
21:44 Jun 08, 2020

Thank you so much! All I want to do when I write is to make people smile! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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02:18 Jun 09, 2020

I'm glad, Evelyn! Have a great day!❣️😊

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02:20 Jun 08, 2020

I absolutely loved this story, Evelyn! There weren't many typos, which I would say is pretty impressive considering the fact you typed this on your phone. I'm looking forward to reading the second part/more of your works! Keep writing and stay safe! :) -Brooke

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Evelyn Cloonan
21:43 Jun 08, 2020

Thank you so much Brooke! I’m happy to hear there weren’t many typos I read it through a couple times to check. Stay safe as well and thanks for reading!

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21:49 Jun 08, 2020

You're welcome! :)

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21:22 Jul 16, 2020

This is a really good story!!! Would you mind checking out my new one that i posted? It's called All because of the ladder!

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Evelyn Cloonan
14:51 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you! I would gladly check out your story!

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