40 comments

Submitted on 05/03/2020

Categories: General

Do you need a friend?


If you think you don't know me, you are wrong. I know you, at least. I know that your mother died when you were 3, I know that your father smokes, and I know what you do when you think nobody is looking. You are wrong.


I am watching.


Waiting.


Come with me. I am lonely.


Why should I? I am perfectly happy.


I know you aren't. Your best friend got the guy. Your brother could care less about you. You need me.


You need a friend.


Please just come. It will make my job easier.


I don't want to.


Why not? I am your only true friend. Everyone else was fake. They used you.


I don't even know you.


Oh, believe me, you do.


You especially knew me in 3rd grade.


I knew you too well.


There is no such thing as knowing me too well. I am always with you.


I never leave. You could say that I hover. A lot.


Come on, you need a friend. I need a friend. We need each other.


Please don't be reluctant.


No. I don't want to go with you.


Yes, you do. If you refuse, I will take you by force. There are many ways for me to take you. No one would know. We could be together.


Alone.


But...my friends.


Child, I am your only friend.


I am not a child; I'm 16. I have many friends. I know what friendship is, and you do not.


That's what you think. You honestly think your friends will stay? Boys will come. They will leave you. And you know what you'll be once they leave?


Alone.


And you will finally come to me. But it would be too late. Now is the time. Please do not struggle. I prefer it if you don't; it will make this easier, and we will be on better terms if you come willingly.


I am seriously debating it; don't worry.


Don't forget that I am always with you.


Forever.


Even after death.


I know.


Turn to a friend. In a time of need. You don't have a better life here.


With me, you could be happy. For once.


I already know everything about you, so we won't need to waste time getting to know each other.


I don't know you.


Oh, yes you do. My favorite color is black.


And I'm lonely.


Please come with me, or I will have no choice but to take you by force. It would look like an accident.


I guess I don't have much of a choice then.


You are smart.


Thank you.


I could give you everything you wanted. I can get anything, anytime. I am powerful.


I know. But stop talking. You are convincing me.


That's the plan.


Leave me alone.


Let me put it this way: don't think of it as an abduction; think of it as...coming to an old friend.


Besides, I will never leave. You will come to me eventually. I am your absolute, without a doubt, best friend. I wouldn't send you away, and if I do, I will recommend you to the greater fate.


This is my fate. How can there be another?


My darling, I choose fate. For all.


I watch you as you sleep.


I watch you as you eat.


I watch you as you cry into your pillow at night. Why struggle? Come with me, and I will make you happy.


Like I said. I'm thinking about it. What life do I have here?


Yes....that's the way to think. Your life could be so much more with me. Besides, I need you.


Why would you need me? I'm a normal human. You are not.


Humans are interesting.


It would make my job less boring. All I ever do is go around and take people. Most of them do not want to go with me. It makes me feel lonely.


But I know you won't let me down. I hope.


Come quietly.


No.


Why? This saddens me.


I don't want to. Not yet.


Let's not be too hasty. Think about your options. Coming without reluctance would be the best choice; I'm sure you don't want to go painfully.


That would be an awful death.


You have a point. I suppose I could....


Yes....


Come with me, my darling.


My precious.


But what would I do once I'm...


Dead?


Yes. Dead.


I will be with you when you are dead. I will be with your soul.


And neither of us would be alone.


Alone.


You can't tell me you like the word.


It hollows us out, devours our souls. And yet we need it sometimes.


I know.


So come with me. I am running out of patience.


Quickly.


Pick an option: calmly and peacefully or painfully and sadly.


Or I will pick for you.


I know.


That seems to be your favorite thing to say.


Most people say that, yes.


I know.


I know everybody's feelings and passions, ups and downs.


How?


My darling, I have powers beyond your imagination.


I know that. But how?


I am not human.


Don't be silly; everybody is.


Not me.


Hm. That's new.


Ah, something you don't know. That's nice.


I'm sure I know a lot more than you. I don't talk much. I'm more of a listener.


I like that.


Come with me. You are running out of time.


As much as I want too...I don't know. I'm not so sure about this.


Oh, but I am. You are afraid. You are scared of what might happen; what could go wrong.


I beg of you, please come with me. I'm going to make the stakes higher. If you do not come willingly, I will kill everyone you love. There.


Joke's on you. I love no one.


That is false. You love your brother and your father, even if you think you don't.


I told you.


I know everything.


So you know that I will come. I have nothing in my life to live for.


You are smart.


You've told me.


I will come for you as you sleep tonight. Say your goodbyes.


Okay.


Oh, and also?


Yes?


I needed this. Thank you, Death.

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40 comments

01:20 May 13, 2020

Hello Zea! I am here on behalf of your comment on my story "Saving Stories", I'd like to start out by saying you portray death as not a devious and malicious being, but a being (if a being at all) that comes slowly and softly, yet quickly and roughly. The way you touched on the subject was in a manor that I had thought of many times, but never really thought about writing down. You described life as a finite thing that your poor, poor protagonist only had so much time left for in a phenomenal way that may leave many readers wondering what ma...

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Zea Bowman
02:49 May 13, 2020

Wow, thanks so much! I am sitting in my bed, working on another story, and as I stopped to read this it made me smile. Thank you for your encouraging words, and I'll be sure to continue reading your stories and future stories!

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12:36 May 13, 2020

Welcome Zea! I enjoyed reading your story so if it made you smile then I'd assume I did my job! Yours truly, A.

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Cynthia Scott
19:27 May 12, 2020

I really enjoyed the suspense you built into this story!! It was like following a trial of breadcrumbs until the end. The character of death approached its prey in a seductive and kind way. Its rhetoric was quite convincing.

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Zea Bowman
20:28 May 12, 2020

Thanks Cynthia!

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A. y. R
13:01 May 08, 2020

You managed to convey so many mixed emotions so well! Its so sinister and soothing at the same time! Would love to have known how the main character would die.

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Zea Bowman
13:06 May 08, 2020

Thanks! The main character dies in their sleep...Death says, "I will come for you in your sleep. Say your goodbyes (Or something like that)." They will die peacefully because they "Came Quietly" and without struggle.

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Manan Suraiya
18:28 May 04, 2020

Lovely story! I sincerely hope the girl din't commit suicide. The character of death was very interesting. I suggest that you make the main charcater as someone who conquers Death. Maybe, beat it in an argument. That way, you will have an underlying theme.

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Zea Bowman
18:30 May 04, 2020

Thanks for your feedback! And no, she didn't commit suicide. She realized that Death was the greater being, and he would find a way to kill her anyway, so she allows him to take her in her sleep (she will die in her sleep).

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Manan Suraiya
18:36 May 04, 2020

That is...dark. But, nice philosophical angle.

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Maggie Deese
18:13 May 04, 2020

Wow, Zea!! I absolutely adored this story! You have such a way with words and emotions came straight through to me. I felt the dread and sadness of the person Death was talking to and it was sad seeing them give up. I also really liked how you incorporated backstory as well for the character. This was wonderful, great job! :)

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Zea Bowman
18:16 May 04, 2020

Thanks!

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Maggie Deese
18:16 May 04, 2020

Of course!!

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Aimee Pieper
17:56 May 04, 2020

Whoa, amazing story! As soon as I realized it was Death talking to the kid I just got this overwhelming sense of dread. I really love how this is completely dialogue built too. Excellent job!

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Zea Bowman
18:12 May 04, 2020

Thanks!

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Vrishni Maharaj
13:58 May 27, 2020

This is amazing!

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Sadia Faisal
15:44 May 25, 2020

nice story, please like my story if you like it and follow me, also send feedback of my story if you would like to

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This is a very nice story, and I feel that death should not be feared because of the style of writing in the phenomenal choice of words. Great job Zea!

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Ray Van horn
20:20 May 14, 2020

A battle of ego vs. id, the stakes, eternal sleep...very compelling and sharp, tight sentences.

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Hailey Monnie
22:39 May 13, 2020

Your story was absolutely fantastic! The way you built the suspense was amazing. It is such a unique story and a real thought-provoker. I love the way you used the prompt. I never thought of death as lonely.

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Zea Bowman
00:08 May 14, 2020

Thank you for the kind words, Hailey!

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Abi Jones
22:27 May 13, 2020

This is a great story! The slow way in which death convinces the protagonist, is slow and poignant. It makes several sad point, and I like how it's told solely through dialogue. This is just a small suggestion, but I think it would of had more of an impact if it had ended without the protagonist addressing death, as Death in the final line. I think that it's made fairly obvious that the other voice is the concept of death. Once again, a great story, with a surprising take on the prompt.

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Zea Bowman
00:09 May 14, 2020

Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback!

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Len Mooring
22:16 May 13, 2020

Thank you for commenting on my story, Zea. Your story. I put myself in the main character"s shoes and would have first been bewildered and then resistive. To have this unwelcome intrusion coming through to me would have led me initially into a more terrifying attitude. Where's the screaming resistive stance? Perhaps it's me, I'd be more of a 'Scaredy Cat' before arriving at the acceptance phase. However, you write well, keep it up.

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Sue Marsh
21:17 May 13, 2020

Hi Zea your story portrays death as welcoming. It is a different approach. Your style is interesting. I enjoyed the story but as it go toward the end I knew exactly what was going to happen. I am glad I had the opportunity to read it.

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14:41 May 13, 2020

I loved writer's who break's every assumption of a reader while reading a story ,your's was the same one that I felt about ,first I thought it would be shadow then ,the story took change and at last it was death . I like thinking about death ,It's just perspective which change's something dreadful to beautiful . I would like to keep reading ,your's story . One question do you are professional writer?

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Sheryl Foo
18:27 May 12, 2020

I love it! I especially like the inner conflict and the fact that gradually the persona gives in to darkness. I like the way u break the fourth wall and the tense and sinister mood fits so well!

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18:22 May 12, 2020

Wow, this was wicked sinister. Really liked the way she thanked death at the end. My only suggestion would be to not overuse 'you' while addressing the audience. Cause I believe it feels too weird after a point. But you did a better job at talking to the audience than I did with my piece Stay safe.

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Zea Bowman
18:22 May 12, 2020

Thanks for the feedback; I'll work on it!

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15:02 May 12, 2020

Wow. Just wow. What a dark story. I love the way you wrote it. It really drew me in. Excellent story.

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Zea Bowman
15:10 May 12, 2020

Thanks, Daniella!

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Phillipa Royer
21:12 May 11, 2020

Good Story. It builds suspense very well and it is able to show what is going on in MC's life.

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18:45 May 11, 2020

That was some stuff there, it was dark and kinda like a stalker thing, but it was a good read and I liked it.

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Zea Bowman
18:50 May 11, 2020

Thanks. Please like if you enjoyed...

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