47 comments

May 01, 2020

General

Joseph is laying in the grass looking up at the night sky. His family decided to take a walk through the woods.To see, what he has been working on all week with his best friend. They came into the house a couple days ago, looking for supplies to used. They scrambled back and forth carting supplies from the shed. It was the supplies that was leftover last week from his Dad. He built a Garden box for his mom to plant her flowers in and he asked his Mom, “Where  is Dad ? He asked?  She told him that  he was out back in the yard racking the grass, she replied.”

His Dad was racking up a pile of sticks and twigs when he walked around the corner of the house and his Dad just finished racking when he Enter. “Dad what are you doing?, he asked! I just finished racking up the leaves! He replied to him!” 

“ Oh, I was wondering if you had any supplies, leftover from the garden boxes you built last week, he asked? He replied to him, just look in the shed there should be some left.”

So, he walked over to the shed to grab the supplies and walked to the woods to where his friend was waiting for him.

His friend was sitting along the path to where the big fir trees was and he was throwing rocks in the brook when he arrived with the supplies. He said, hello to his friend and dugout the boards to hang on the rope. That he and his friend wrapped around the toughest part of the tree limb and knotted it till it was tight and then hung the boards on the end of the knots with some nails. After they was done they tested it out. “I think this is the best swing ever his friend replied to him! Just in time for the meteor shower tonight, he replied to Joseph. 

“Do you think my family will like it!, he asked ? Yes I think they will like it very much his friend replied to him.” 

After the boys had a few turns swinging on the swing and Joseph look down at his watch and saw that it was time to go! His Mom told him to not to be too long that dinner will be serve soon. So he waved goodbye to his friend and walked through the woods to his home. The walking trail wasn’t to far from the house and it follow along the path to his Grammas house too. So he knew he wasn’t allowed to leave the path. So he walked back home to see his family. They was just about to put dinner on the table when he walked through the door.” Hey! Son, Did you find everything you needed for your project he asked? Yes! He told his Dad and went to washed up for dinner. His Dad was pouring the milk in his glass when he walked into the kitchen and his Mom was just finishing up the salad. “Hey Joseph! Can you take the salad to the table?,his Mom asked?” 

He grab the salad and help his Dad finish setting the table and then they sat down and ate their dinner. After they was done they clean off the table and put the leftovers away in the fridge and went outside to watch the sunset. He told he parents about Earth day and clean up the garbage that was hanging around in the ditches and the lawn and he wanted to do something nice for his planet and picked up the garbage. His parents was very glad that he did that and asked him about having a sleepover in the yard. They could pitched the tent up and build a fire in the fire pit to roast marshmallows on later. You can asked a friend over and we will dig out the sleeping bags too. 

The sun began setting in behind the hills, not to far away from their neighbourhood in Nateville. His family and friends are getting ready to watch the meteor shower tonight and it is going to be fun to watch from their yard and he invited his friend over to. He couldn’t wait for his friend to come over for a sleepover to watch the shower tonight yams show his family the swing the built.

His family got dress and got ready to go outside to watch the shower and decided to take a walked through the woods. Joseph and his friend could not wait for them to come, so he could show them what they made. The wind was blowing across the trees as the limbs danced in the wind and the swing was swaying back and forth when the boys arrived. 

Of course they was there before his family arrived and he fixed up the finished touches on the swing and waited for his family to arrived and as he lay in the grass waiting for them to come, he looked up at the night sky and saw how the stars twinkle brightly as he waited.

Just than he heard a rustle in he woods and looked to see what it was. It was a tan colour animal, with four legs and had a sharp bark when he saw Him. It was his Grandmother’s dog Toby! He was trotting beside his mother and went to say hello! To him. Out around the corner he saw his family walking towards him and the swing he built was swinging in the wind, when they saw him laying in the grass. He arose to greet them and show them the swing he built. “Wow! What a wonderful swing to swing on his Gramma replied!” “Just in time for the Meteor Shower replied his family!”

As he laid the blanket down on the ground for his family they watch the Meteor shower and the stars glowing in the sky. What a nice night to watch the stars, his Gramma replied. After the Meteor Shower was done and than they look at the stars and watch how they twinkle.

 




You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

47 comments

Kelechi Nwokoma
01:28 May 24, 2020

Tina, I really love Joseph, how highly he thinks of his family and the times they spend together. Watching stars might not be everyone's idea of family time, but I love how his family is unique. Reading about their love for watching stars made me want to do that, too. However, there were lots of grammatical errors, which makes me think you're either quite young, or you're new to writing. I recommend you give your work to someone to read before submitting, to point out these mistakes to you. I also noticed its been long since you'...

Reply

Tina Laing
22:15 May 24, 2020

Thanks for the feedback and Iam new at this writing thing. I do enjoy writing but very bad at grammar because, I never had a chance to go to school to study writing. For I was very young and had no money to go to college with and it is very expensive to learn writing. Until I came across this writing contest. I do enjoy it very much! Just a little stuck on-a good piece to write.

Reply

Kelechi Nwokoma
18:15 May 25, 2020

You're welcome for the feedback. Also, I don't really think you need to study writing if you're good. For instance, I'm not in college yet and I also just started writing because of this Reedsyprompts contest. I feel if you have good ideas, you can write just about anything, and once you have a good editor to sort out your work, you're good to go. Also, read a lot of books, because they'll expose you to good writers and their styles of writing. I think that's what really helping me with grammar. But overall, it's a good story and I h...

Reply

Tina Laing
18:39 May 25, 2020

Thanks again

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
16:33 May 12, 2020

I really liked this story, but it was kind of hard to read due to the grammatical errors. The biggest thing was the dialogue. If you just practice more and more, you'll get better! Keep writing! -Brooke

Reply

Show 0 replies
Pragya Rathore
14:20 Aug 18, 2020

This story is great! It was amazingly written and flowed well. Awesome job, Tina!

Reply

Tina Laing
17:53 Aug 21, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Khizra Aslam
15:00 Jul 10, 2020

Such a sweet story. ❤

Reply

Tina Laing
14:54 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dobby's Sock
18:33 Jun 29, 2020

It is a lot of jagged thoughts put together. I felt there is potential in this story but only with proper structuring, the lack of which took it down. Reading all the other comments, I would suggest you to get into the feel of writing short stories. You can easily do that by reading aloud some shorts from a collection of them. It would help you get a hang of how the shorts run, how they work, how everything is within them. You are enthusiastic about this, so keep at it. You will become good in no time at all.

Reply

Tina Laing
18:25 Jul 06, 2020

Thanks!😊

Reply

Dobby's Sock
02:01 Jul 07, 2020

You're always welcome Tina :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Batool Hussain
06:05 Jun 24, 2020

Hello Tina! A wonderful story:) Mind checking my recent story 'You and the train?' Thanks.

Reply

Show 0 replies
02:30 Jun 24, 2020

A sweet story! Some grammar errors and typos, but I'm sure you'll improve with practice

Reply

Tina Laing
14:59 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks so much

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Vrishni Maharaj
00:41 Jun 02, 2020

Very cool story!!

Reply

Tina Laing
15:01 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Eric Deitch
08:37 May 07, 2020

I applaud the author for taking what is a rather mundane day in the life of someone and allows the reader to see how emotionally involved Joseph is with his family. However, the multitude of grammar errors and awkward sentence structure drew me away from the story and I had no incentive to keep reading other than satisfy my curiosity for what mistakes lie head. It needs a lot of polish, but keep writing and learning proper technique in order to elevate your storytelling.

Reply

Tina Laing
16:25 May 07, 2020

Thanks for the feedback

Reply

Show 0 replies
Holly Pierce
12:38 May 08, 2020

*lie ahead

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Tina Laing
12:12 May 01, 2020

It is about a boy, who name is Joseph who likes to spend time with his family. Watching the stars.

Reply

Pranathi Gorty
02:06 May 07, 2020

Cool story! I really like it! Thanks for reading mine!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
A. Graf
19:01 Dec 11, 2020

I thought this story was a wonderful celebration of peace, family, good deeds and love for the beautiful Earth that we live in. I was able to follow this story better than the first of yours that I read, and definitely see some improvements! A few things that have helped me recently are the free services and lessons right here on Reedsy! I have just signed up for their lessons on dialogue and writing routines. (I do not work for Reedsy in any capacity, I just want to share these awesome tools!) Lessons can be found at the following li...

Reply

A. Graf
19:06 Dec 11, 2020

Oh and I forgot, something that I think will help you immensely is self study. Read everything that you can! Pay attention to the formatting structure, including dialogue, sentence structures, word choice - everything! Everyone is inspired by their favorite authors, but studying their methods will help anyone improve. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Tina Laing
19:53 Jan 16, 2021

Wow! Thanks it been awhile since I have wrote anything. Thanks for info. Have a nice day!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Tina Laing
19:53 Jan 16, 2021

Wow! Thanks it been awhile since I have wrote anything. Thanks for info. Have a nice day!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 8 replies
Andrew Krey
01:47 Oct 04, 2020

Hi Tina, I read your story and found it an endearing premise, but as others have said, the grammar and punctuation issues did make it difficult to enjoy. I saw in the comments you're new to writing, so I think it's very brave for you to be sharing your work online, but more so, incredibly smart! Here is a great place to get helpful advice that will definitely improve your writing very quickly. I hope you keep writing and find a prompt that inspires you soon. Feel free to let me know when you write a new story, and I'd be happy to read it ...

Reply

Tina Laing
14:27 Oct 09, 2020

Wow! Thanks so much for your feedback. Yes Iam a new writer and would love to be a author someday with my short story collection. The stories that I write are to do with my family, especially my son. He is nine and I been writing stories for him. So he is mostly my main character in my stories that I write. He loves Super Mario brothers and has a collection of them. I don’t know if I should be writing this, how can you trust someone with your ideas. Is this Normal. Someday I would like to have a collection of stories For him to read and shar...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
05:15 Sep 24, 2020

Hey, Tina would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time

Reply

Tina Laing
18:01 Sep 25, 2020

I watch the video, it is very nice pictures and music. The lyrics of the music went with the pictures. Very nice video and keep up the good work. Oh, by the way I like Harry Potter too!

Reply

13:34 Sep 27, 2020

Thank you Tina

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Becky Holland
00:04 Sep 01, 2020

What a well-crafted story! But I think there needs to be some editing. Just take a looksie back at it, and you may need to reread it a few times. Or do you have someone to edit for you? I also reread my work at least several times and run it through a grammar check. (Sometimes I don't and it (the story) is rife with errors) But anyway, check it out, don't give up and keep writing. i see a rising star in there!

Reply

Tina Laing
14:46 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks so much.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
P. Jean
21:44 Aug 18, 2020

Confusing but not a bad start to writing. Think things through so they flow better. Watch punctuation. Keep writing.

Reply

Tina Laing
17:51 Aug 21, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Karin Venables
21:00 Aug 18, 2020

I liked this little slice of life story. You do have grammar problems, but down load Grammarly and it will find them and help you fix them. The dialogue was good, but confusing because of the way the punctuation was done. I'm sure you'll improve with a good program to help you learn. I'm looking forward to your next story.

Reply

Tina Laing
17:51 Aug 21, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Tina Laing
15:03 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks do you have a idea on the program I should do.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Charles Stucker
23:30 Jul 23, 2020

"Joseph is laying in the grass" The first six words and two things to change. Joseph lies on the grass" because lay requires an object (I lay the book on the table) and because passive voice (forms of be and have) dilutes your writing. Now, the past tense of lie is lay, so Joseph laid on the grass works. Depending on which tense you use. Normally third person (he did and said plot things) uses past while first person (I do and say plot things) uses present. You need to use your word processors spell/grammar checker and go through this ...

Reply

Tina Laing
07:23 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks for the feedback

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Holly Pierce
12:39 May 08, 2020

I like this story, though there are some errors. Cool story!

Reply

Tina Laing
15:08 Oct 09, 2020

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply