Harriet Olson stellar pixie book 1

Submitted for Contest #39 in response to: Write a story that begins and ends with someone looking up at the stars.... view prompt

27 comments

Apr 30, 2020

Fantasy Adventure Romance

Chapter 1

Harriet Olson was a stellar pixie. She loved looking up at the stars at night. They were particularly beautiful tonight. They were her ancestors and she loved them with all her heart. They told her, everything would be ok, if she just followed her destiny. But Harriet didn’t know what her destiny was yet.

One day her friend Takeshi Trescothik, came with grave news. Takeshi was an elf and Harriet’s best and only friend. He was blonde and loved archery. He was also in Harriet’s opinion not all that bad looking.

“The troll king had declared war on the stellar pixies” he told her. Why you may ask? Because he looked directly at the sun and was now blind. (Trolls are very sensitive to daylight you see, that’s why they live under bridges). Harriet was scared. The trolls were one of the toughest of all creatures and if they wanted to start a war with the stellar pixies, Harriet was in BIG trouble. She had previously escaped from the troll kings’ dungeons. Where they had forced her to clean the troll kings’ lavatory After that she had to change her name and looks. She didn’t want to go back ever!

Noticing the horrified look on Harriet’s face an idea stuck him. “Why not come to my place? I have a spare room that you might be able to hide in at the back of the house. No one ever really goes down that end so you won’t be found,” he suggested. Harriet wasn’t sure, Takeshi liked having parties and if she was spotted it would be back to the troll kings’ dungeons for her. The troll king would probably have Takeshi executed for hiding an undesirable. Harriet did not want that to happen. Not to her best friend. Not to anyone. “no, it’s okay Takeshi you don’t need to go into all that trouble. I will be perfectly fine. You go home and forget you ever knew me. I don’t want you getting killed,” Harriet

All of a sudden there was a thunderous knock on the door. “it’s the trolls. They’ve come to take me away. You must go. Forget you ever met me. Go now before they see you.” But Takeshi did not leave. “if we go down then we go down together. None of this go and forget you rubbish. That’s the last thing I want.” Harriet looked down sheepishly. She didn’t know what to do say. Takeshi gave Harriet a look she didn’t quite understand. It was angry yet there was a hidden softness in his gaze. Gazing in his eyes Harriet’s resolve melted away.

“Oi! Open this bloody door now or someone is going to get hurt.” Harriet almost jumped out of her skin. She had completely forgotten about their unwanted visitor.

“Okay, no need to get your knickers in a knot,” replied Takeshi. “Quick go hide in the backyard and I will come get you when their gone” he whispered to her and kissed her on the cheek. Harriet stopped. A thousand feelings running through her mind at once. Why did he do that? Does he like her? Her mind ran alongside her body.

 “You have until the count of three.” Went the troll at the door. “Go, now.” Harriet looked into his eyes one last time and the turned. Why did he look so sad? Was there something he wasn’t telling her? “One,” Harriet ran out the back door. It didn’t feel right leaving Takeshi behind. Lost in her thoughts and oblivious to her surroundings, she ran into something. She was thrown back onto the pebble path, leading to the garden shed. Lights popped behind her eyelids. Slowly she raised herself up to look at what it was that knocked her over.

As soon as she opened them she wished she didn’t. right there in front of her was the very thing she was trying to run away from. A troll. 6-foot tall and smelling of manure. This was one of the many devils of earth. Looking around Harriet saw that there was 3 of them. The one she bumped into was leaning forward, reaching out to grab her with its’ enormous hand Harriet tried to scream but it was as though something was tightening around her neck, cutting off her air. As she was lifted from the ground she finally managed to make an ear splitting scream. Startled by the sudden noise, the troll dropped her and she fell on her ankle. “ahhhhh!” she screamed. It felt as though someone had shoved a red hot dagger through her foot. The troll had already recovered from the noise and was advancing on Harriet. “You hurt my ears. You’re a horrid little pixie,” said the one nearest to her “I’m gonna enjoy ripping off those scrawny little arms of yours.” Panicking Harriet tried to run away but her ankle would not hold her weight. she collapsed and with more jeers from the trolls, was swept from the ground. She bit the hand holding her and She was flung backwards into the garden shed, once again there were lights popping behind her eyes. She felt a trickle of blood drip from her nose

Chapter 2

“TAKESHI,” she screamed. “Takeshi, he…” but she didn’t have the energy to finish. She was fighting to stay conscious. There was a loud crash from the house and out came Takeshi with a long silver sword. “Get the fuck away from her or I will make you wish you were never goddamn born.” The trolls looked at each other and laughed. “Aww does the ity bity elfie wants to fight all the big bad trolls?” Harriet tried to stand up and help Takeshi but the pain was unbearable. She let out a moan. Attracting the attention of her dear friend. “What the fuck did you do to her?” he asked the trolls. No one said a thing. “I said what did you do to her! Someone better start talking or you will all be in a lot of pain.” Takeshi was madder than Harriet had ever seen him. How had the trolls not sensed it yet?

“Why does it matter? Buzz off and mind your own business.” She had said the wrong thing. (Harriet knew that this one was a female because its’ voice was higher pitched). Like a bolt of lightning Takeshi swung his sword and sliced open its’ leg. “AAARRGGHH. MY LEG YOU LITTLE FUCKING ASSHOLE.” The two other trolls turned their attention to their injured comrade.

In the commotion Takeshi managed to sneak over to the garden shed and tried to get Harriet to stand “Come on. we need to get moving. They won’t stay sympathetic it each other for long and trust me you don’t want to be around a troll on a search for revenge.” He tried to help Harriet up but as soon as she put pressure on her foot she collapsed in a heap on the ground, moaning in pain. “I can’t stand. I think I might have broken it when one of them dropped me.” Harriet wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater, for a moment she was surprised to see blood, then she remembered. “oh yeah, and then I was thrown into the side of the shed. I think I might have hit my head or something. I dunno can’t really remember.” She said looking up at her friend and saviour his outline blurred.

“Ugh I think I’m gonna puke,” and then she emptied her stomach onto the stones. “delicious” she said sarcastically with a look of pure disgust on her face. “Okay, put your arm around my neck and I’ll help you up.” So with a little help from her friend Harriet finally managed to get up. White faced and stony, Harriet and Takeshi sneak through the back gate and into the dark woods beyond.

After 2 hours of walking Harriet began to get light headed. “I need to stop Takeshi. I can’t keep walking,” “Please Harriet there isn’t too far left to go. I’ve been here before, there’s a cave just up ahead.” Harriet tried to nod her head but just a small movement sent her whole head spinning.

After another five minutes though it was nightfall and not even takeshi wanted Harriet to keep walking. She was unstable and kept tripping over roots and branches. “Let’s just rest here for now.” Glad for the rest Harriet laid on the ground next to where her friend was sitting. Harriet lay gazing at Takeshi. He was sitting there not saying a word. After a while Harriet broke the silence. “come lay down,” she said pushing herself up onto her elbows. “you need to rest. Please?” With a small smile he laid down and put his arm under Harriet’s head. She laid back down and he wrapped his other arm around her waist. A feeling of comfort spread through Harriet, she knew as long as she was with Takeshi everything would be okay. As she lay she looked up at the stars. The really were beautiful.


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27 comments

Peace Nakiyemba
23:54 May 03, 2020

Hey. I read your story and I must say you have a wild imagination...in a good way! I don't know if you are open to a few pointers but I'll give a few. 😊 -You might want to revisit the story with better punctuation. They seem like a small thing but make a big difference. There are plenty of places that could do with commas or dashes. -Dialogue flows easier when each character has their own paragraph to represent their speech rather than having it all in a massive block. These issues don't take from the story but would just give it ...

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C.j Dunstall
01:02 May 04, 2020

thanks for the feedback. i always try to find ways to make my stories better

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C.j Dunstall
05:44 Apr 30, 2020

hey this is my first story. hope u like it

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C.j Dunstall
01:17 May 07, 2020

hey guys just wondering if anyone had anything that they would like to see in my story

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C.j Dunstall
01:18 May 07, 2020

besides proper punctuation that is

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23:52 May 03, 2020

You have an incredible imagination. The ideas are wonderful. The characters are well-rounded and your description is amazing. However, this piece has a few grammatical errors. Make sure you pay attention to capitalization. You might want to review punctuation rules. Otherwise, this truly is very well-done.

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C.j Dunstall
01:04 May 04, 2020

thanks to everyone who is helping me make my stories better. it really makes my day when people help out.

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09:18 May 04, 2020

You're welcome. I'm glad!

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L. M.
23:46 May 03, 2020

What a creative story with good characters. Good job.

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Khadija S.
08:55 Apr 30, 2020

I like the description of the pixies, elves, and trolls. The troll king waging war on stellar pixies because he looked at the sun seems exactly like what a troll would do!

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C.j Dunstall
22:57 Apr 30, 2020

Thanks i really appreciate the positive feedback. It really helps boost self confidence

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Roland Aucoin
18:33 May 06, 2020

I enjoyed 'chapter 1'. I hope other chapters will come our way. But, as many have told you grammar, punctuation, word choice are also essential to your audience. these are the 'potholes' in your story flow. There are free tools that will help some, like Grammarly. I use it always even though it is limited in the 'free' edition.

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C.j Dunstall
23:24 May 06, 2020

well no need to worry 1. I do have more chapters coming for one of the next prompt 2. I have been checking and rechecking my grammar/ punctuation for my next submission

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Harken Void
13:02 May 04, 2020

Ah, it's nice to see a fantasy story for a change (since those are my favorite). Loved the whole 'troll king going to war' thing. Though I must say the story was hard to read because of puncuation and lack of editing, as others have pointed out. Keep on writing!

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C.j Dunstall
22:52 May 04, 2020

Thanks. Fantasy stories are some of my favorite as well

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Pragya Rathore
12:22 Aug 24, 2020

'They were particularly beautiful tonight.' I love your writing, C! So poetically written and wonderfully expressed. Great job! :)

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C.j Dunstall
22:50 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you

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Kristin Neubauer
13:53 Aug 20, 2020

I like this, C.J.! You do a great job of painting the picture of the evil and gruesome trolls. And you are also building up the relationship between Harriet and Takeshi very skillfully - nice and gradual, but with plenty of indication of an underlying spark beyond friendship. I'm heading over to Part 2 now.

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C.j Dunstall
22:41 Aug 20, 2020

thanks, soo much. this comment really made my day

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04:15 Aug 19, 2020

Nice work!

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C.j Dunstall
23:00 Aug 19, 2020

thanks

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01:53 Aug 20, 2020

:)

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Avery G.
18:05 Aug 16, 2020

Wow, cool story! I liked it! Great job!

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C.j Dunstall
23:00 Aug 16, 2020

Thanks!

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Avery G.
23:02 Aug 16, 2020

You're welcome!

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17:32 Jul 25, 2020

This was awesome! So creative! 😁😁😁 Would you mind checking out one or two of my stories? Again, amazing job! —Aerinnn!!!

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C.j Dunstall
01:48 Jul 27, 2020

Yeah, Of course I can check it for you. Just a word of warning for you; I may not be the best at it and will probably miss out on the grammar but I will try. -CJ catluva P.S. Thanks a ton. You were my 50th follower

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