80 comments

Apr 27, 2020

Fantasy Science Fiction

           I will tell you now that in this world, there is no love. But because there is no love, there is also no pain. In this world, the moon sits in the sky during mornings and the sun shines in the night. In this world, you are not walking away with your blonde ringlets and cold, clear eyes. In this world, I do not love you because, in this world, you do not exist.

           I am now walking in this world to the usual coffee shop we go to. The moonlight is bright enough to light my way there without the help of streetlights. It is white and full this morning and looks like the pearls that sit between your lips when you smile. This world is meant for remembering, but I cannot remember the rest of your face only your smile. 

           When I arrive at the coffee shop in this world, the shop says 'Closed'. I enter. Everything is closed in this world, but you can always enter. Isn’t that right, darling? I order your usual drink but the cup comes to me empty. I leave.

           Usually, when we leave the shop you hold a donut in your dainty hands. You marvel at the smooth, sugary glaze before sinking your moons into its flesh. You finished the donut, but you left me its hole. In this world, you are not here. There is no sweetness and there is no glaze. There is no hole. Again, I try to think about your face, but it comes to me as blurs. This world is meant for remembering, but why can I not remember?

           It is interesting how it is not difficult to sleep at night when the sun is glaring down at me. The last nights before you left were the worst. I tossed and turned in the darkness left by your shadow. But in this world, the sun warms me and I drift into a peaceful slumber. In this world, there is no darkness and there is no shadow. But why can I no longer sleep in this world?

           In this world, the day you left was the day that the sun rose in the west at night and set in the east in the morning. I wish to live in this world forever, but yet, I cannot. I cannot remember, and there is pain. The hole is still there. The moon and your shadow still keep me up at night. But I will tell you now that what is the same between our home and this world is that there is no love. I created this world because you wanted to live in it. But in this world, your shadow no longer walks here. 

           When I open my eyes, it is dark outside, but I try to think of you again, but it hurts. You no longer exist. I look around but I am unsure of where I am. It is a laboratory of sorts but I remember falling asleep in my room. My arms are bound and so are my legs. My head is held still by some sort of contraption from the glimpse I caught of it in the dark of the windows near me. I look at the window again.

           "You are awake," says a disembodied voice.

           I do not see any figure in the room with me from the window’s reflection.

           "Who are you?" I ask.

           "You do not remember my voice?" questions the voice.

           It sounds like a woman. The voice seems to surround me and come from every corner of the room. My eyes wander but to no avail. The voice sounds a little like you, but I know it is not you.

           "No," I answer. Should I?

           "Good." Her voice suggests that she is smiling.

           Her last word hangs in the air until it is replaced with something sliding open, causing a gust of wind that raises goosebumps on my exposed ankles. I shiver involuntarily. I hear footsteps from behind me and feel myself stiffen. They stop by my head where my line of sight does not reach, but I can see their reflection behind mine on the window. I stare hard at the woman in a white coat. She is tiny with clear eyes and golden ringlets that cascade from the top of her head. She fixes the angle of the smart-looking glasses that are perched on top of her slightly upturned nose.

           "Who are you?" I ask again.

           "You should know," she says.

           She sounds amused.

           "Do you know where you are?" she then asks.

           I open my mouth, but no words come out. Where am I? I purse my lips.

           "This world," I finally answer, but I know my answer sounds ridiculous.

           She confirms my fears by chuckling.

           "Not exactly."

           I thought she found this situation amusing but when I see her eyes, there is sadness. She sighs.

           "Do you remember one of the last things you thought about before you woke up?" she tries again.

           I think. Suddenly, I remember, and at the same time, my restraints loosen and fall. Every time I enter the world I created for her, I forget everything else for a while when I first return.

           "Emily," I say.

           A small smile appears on her lips. "Nice to have you back."

           My sister waits for me to rise, but I do not.

           "I created this world," I whisper and turn my head to the side to look out the window.

           "Yes, with your mind," she says.

           "With my mind…" I repeat quietly.

           "For her," she finishes.

           "For her," I repeat, "but it does not exist…"

           All the memories come to me at once. Tyra returns to my mind but still, her face is missing. I can still only recall her eyes and smile. There were five of us that left on the ships to the New World. Mother had separated us to raise the chances of us arriving safely. Her and Tyra's ship crashed into a star that was not detected by her ship's sensors until it was too late; the pilots were careless. Father had to leave first because of his work. His ship survived but upon its arrival, he was missing. Our ship was damaged as well, but we were lucky. There were injuries, some minor some severe, but all of us are alive. My sister and I were of the less fortunate who suffered severe injuries. Brain trauma they called it. I still cannot properly recall the image of our youngest sister, Tyra. Neither can Emily. Our Mother and Father are also a blur but at least with Tyra, I still remember her smile and her eyes. But why can I not put her whole image together? I am beginning to mix her up with Emily but I know they do not look alike.

           They told us that technology was the answer to everything but why couldn’t it help me remember Tyra? They told me to try to recreate her with my mind; I couldn’t. I created this world to try to remember you. This world that you wanted to live in because of all that you had suffered because of something you truly loved—our home. But instead, this world is slowly stripping me of my memories of you in my attempt to recreate you. In this world, there is no love and no pain, but there is also no you. You wanted to live in a world different from our home; one where the sun sets in the east and rises in the west, but where we are now, there is no sun and there is no moon, and there is no you. We're still far from our destination but we know that once we arrive, Emily and I and everyone aboard this ship, the sun will not rise in the east and set in the west there. There will be no sun at all. But there may be a moon or many moons that will resemble the pearls hidden behind your lips, and the clouds may part like your lips and reveal the moon like your smile then maybe I will remember you better. But until then, I will always hold onto your smile and this world you wanted to live in where the sun rises in the east at night and sets in the west by day.

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80 comments

Tvisha Yerra
15:55 May 01, 2020

I wanted to see what others can do with such a vague idea of the sun setting in the east, and you definitely exceeded my expectation! I would love to see more stories from you!

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Ai Jiang
19:28 May 01, 2020

Thank you so much for the kind reply! I hope you’ll enjoy my stories in the future as well!

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Thotsuki Bakuhoe
09:14 May 23, 2020

Great story! I loved it. Your an amazing author. Keep up the great stories!

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Ai Jiang
03:32 May 24, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Thotsuki Bakuhoe
08:34 May 24, 2020

No problem, have a great day! :)

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L. M.
23:57 Apr 30, 2020

Good job. :) I liked the imagery.

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Ai Jiang
02:09 May 01, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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L. M.
02:22 May 01, 2020

You're welcome. :)

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Vrishni Maharaj
00:29 May 27, 2020

Great story!

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Ai Jiang
18:59 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you!

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11:16 May 24, 2020

Hi, Ai! I absolutely loved this story! You had such clever remarks in some spots, that I was in awe. I really liked the backstory. I also loved how you didn't really make it clear in the beginning. I feel like that's the best way to get a reader hooked. Keep writing and stay safe! :) -Brooke

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Ai Jiang
19:22 May 24, 2020

Hi Brooke, Thank you for your comment! That was exactly what I was trying to do, but I really struggled in trying to keep the readers interested until the end to be completely honest aha

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02:36 May 25, 2020

You're welcome! Even if you did struggle a bit, it turned out great in the end! :)

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Elliott Laurence
21:21 May 10, 2020

Interesting and well-written.

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Ai Jiang
02:50 May 11, 2020

Thank you! :)

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Shirley Medhurst
12:04 May 08, 2020

Great story. Love all the topsy-turviness! Great idea for a novel maybe??? I thought the explanations at the end were slightly too long for a short story altho I see you wanted it to make sense, - so in a novel or novella there would be more time to spread things out.... Well done though & good luck!

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Ai Jiang
01:03 May 09, 2020

Thank you! Yes, I'm more used to writing novels rather than short stories so I'm still working on it!

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Alton Rook
14:55 May 07, 2020

This is a very nice story. The metaphors and imagery kept me reading. I noticed a few mistakes and some opportunities for better sentence structure. You kind of rubbed the prompt in the reader's face by the end. That felt very uncomfortable. But otherwise a very well written story. Keep up the good work.

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Ai Jiang
20:02 May 07, 2020

Thank you so much for your feedback! I was trying to use meaningful repetition but I see that I'll have to go over it again and maybe take some of it out. Thank you again for your thoughts!

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Tina Laing
01:39 May 07, 2020

A very nice story

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Ai Jiang
02:08 May 07, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Micah Lewter
05:44 May 06, 2020

Well done. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

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Ai Jiang
05:59 May 06, 2020

Thank you so much Micah!

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13:33 May 05, 2020

Gripping.

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Ai Jiang
00:38 May 06, 2020

Thank you! :)

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Aqsa Malik
11:14 May 05, 2020

Honestly this was so interesting, I absolutely love the imagery and the concept itself was cool. Such a good job!

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Ai Jiang
00:37 May 06, 2020

Thank you so much Aqsa! :)

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Laiba M
17:57 May 04, 2020

Your story is beautiful and perfect. I love your writing style and am confident that I'll see you and your stories winning a contest one day :) Keep on writing!

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Ai Jiang
08:21 May 05, 2020

Thank you so much for the support! I hope I’ll be able to win someday! :)

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Laiba M
14:05 May 05, 2020

You're welcome :) Good luck!

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Ai Jiang
00:38 May 06, 2020

Good luck to you as well! :)

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Laiba M
00:39 May 06, 2020

Thank you! Could you please give me some feedback on my stories? It would mean a lot :)

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Ai Jiang
00:56 May 06, 2020

Your welcome! Of course. I'll take a look at it as soon as I get the chance! I've been trying to juggle a lot of things lately and I'm not able to spend as much time on this platform as I'd like to!

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Nicole Escorial
03:48 May 04, 2020

It was so hard for me to think of a story incorporating this prompt, but I see you've done a really great job! It's such an amazing read, and I love it. I just found some phrases quite redundant, but I think it added a bit more depth to the story. It's a very nice one. I was hooked! Keep on writing, and good luck!

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Ai Jiang
17:18 May 04, 2020

Hi Nicole, Thank you so much for your comment and feedback! I was trying to incorporate meaningful repetition in the piece and I understand how it may come off as redundant to the readers!

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Manan Suraiya
02:44 May 04, 2020

Interesting ending! It sounded poetic! I admit that I was a bit confused at the start, but the ending put everything back on track. Good job! Do read my submissions as well and give your feedback! I'd highly appreciate it!

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Ai Jiang
17:19 May 04, 2020

Hi Manan, Thank you so much! I’m glad the ending made things clear. I’ll be sure to give you feedback on your work! :)

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Joy Barton
21:39 May 03, 2020

Amazing writing and story!

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Ai Jiang
01:07 May 04, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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Yageen Faiz
17:26 May 03, 2020

can you also read my story and give me feed back? thank you

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Ai Jiang
01:07 May 04, 2020

Hi Yageen, I'll be sure to do so!

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P. Jean
13:26 May 03, 2020

Confused in the early story but you created deep interest!

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Ai Jiang
01:08 May 04, 2020

Hi P. Jean, Thank you for the comment! I apologize if it was a bit confusing at first, I was trying to build up the clarity without giving too much away. I'm glad it kept your interest!

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Shelly Pung
00:05 May 03, 2020

Very interesting story and I'd love to see it developed further. I will admit that I was having a bit of a hard time following at first, but I couldn't stop reading. You pulled me into the story and I had to find out where this world came from.

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Ai Jiang
06:22 May 03, 2020

Hi Shelley, I’m so glad that you were so interested in the story! I hope the ending didn’t disappoint!

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Michael Loss
16:51 May 02, 2020

That was absolutely beautiful. I was sincerely moved by your vision and admirable descriptions. Don't expand on anything, I beg you. Let it remain unfinished-the missing pieces and imperfections bring out the beautiful image I am looking at now. My sincere congratulations; I believe and hope this is only the beginning of your talent and would love to see it flourish into something even more wonderful.

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Ai Jiang
06:24 May 03, 2020

Hi Michael, Thank you so much for your kind words, they really encourage me and my confidence in my writing (which admittedly I’m still lacking in but trying to build!). I hope that my future work will also be as well received as this one!

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Michael Loss
15:16 May 03, 2020

You should always have confidence in your writing, no matter what. How it is received is nothing compared to how you should feel about the story yourself! If it is crafted with care and love (which your story obviously is), then we will feel the emotions flow through, making it a wonderful experience. I congratulate you once again and hope everything is going well. Keep up the amazing work.

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Ai Jiang
01:09 May 04, 2020

That is true. Thank you once again and also for your support! I will try my best to have confidence in my work and hopefully that will translate well in my future writing as well!

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