Submitted for Contest #30 in response to: Write a story in which someone finds a secret passageway.... view prompt


It was a very hot and balmy night in the little town of Nateville. Anna and Sara are twin sisters who loves to go on Adventures and exploring in the woods. They just finished school and was out for Spring break and decided to go to their grandparents Camp for the weekend.

Anna!"are you all ready to go?" Asked Sara, "Yes! said her sister, just need to grab a couple more things and I'll be ready to go." The girls packed their things in the car and got ready to leave for the Camp.

Acer their next door neighbor that the girls grew up with, lived next door to them and saw the girls was getting ready to go somewhere. He just didn't know where they was going and he knew they was out for Spring break, because he heard their mother talking yesterday to his Mom about them being out for a break. "Yes, that right I was eavesdropping in on their conversation yesterday, said Acer".

The girls looked over and saw that their friend Acer was outside working on his bicycle and they went over to say Hello to him and he was busy fixing his tires on his bike, their was a hole in the tube and he was repairing it. Anyways he saw the girls pulling out of their driveway and he waved to them as they drove by.

In the distance as he peddle down his driveway to meet his friends at the pizza place in town, he rode his bike by the girls house, and he noticed that their was a strange guy watching him. He is dressed in a pair of blue jeans, a green shirt,wore a baseball cap on his head and He looked like he was looking for something, but didn't know what it was or he was just thinking out loud as he peddle by.

As he peddle by the house he did not noticed that the strange guy got in his car and started to followed him to town. He followed Acer all through the town and made sure he kept his distance, because he didn't want to get caught by Acer or his boss would be very upset with him if he found out.

He drove his black Mercedes in behind the kid on the bike and followed him to the Pizza place. He parked his car a distance from the kid on his bike and watched him enter into the Pizza place, with his hands inside of his pockets. He looked like he was checking his pockets for something and dug out a piece of paper from his pocket and walked into the restaurant.

The phone began to ring while he watched the kid enter the resturant as he answer on the third ring and it was his boss, checking in to see if he found the kid yet that found the passage way a couple years ago in the woods. In the woods there is a secret passage way into a garden where there was a graveyard that was very old and had alot of history of his parents. He knew his parents lived around in a quiet town not to faraway from Nateville, where is ex wife grew up in and she got pregnant back in high school before they graduated and moved away with out telling him.

So, he did some digging into her past and found out that she had a boy after she graduated and went away to School to do some studying on Marine biology, because she loves the ocean and wanted to study it and the Marine life that lives in it.

He followed Acer inside of the Pizza place to a booth that was sat off to the side of the room. The blinds was folded down in front of the window and he sat and listen to the boy conversation he had with his friends. He told them about the girls he grew up with next door is going to their grand parents Camp for the weekend, He wanted to know if his friends wanted to go camping too. There is a passage way I liked to checked out in the woods, It has a door that leads to a garden and he wanted to go to explore it. For Acer loves gardening and growing flowers like his Mother did. She passed away a few years ago and didn't know who his Dad was. So he wanted to go to the passageway where his Mom told him stories about a garden in the woods and it had some history to it and he wants to go to checked it out with his friends.

The phone began to ring while he listen to the boy and his friends. He answer the ring and it was his boss again looking for a update on the boy. For his boss is a private investigator and he was hired by the boys mom to looked for his Son. She called him before a few months ago and told him that she had a son and she was very ill and couldn't looked after him anymore and wanted to know if he would take over the care for him. So he hired Randall to helped him to locate him and keep in touch with him, because he had some things that he save for him that he got from his ill Mother. He wanted to shared them with his son after they meet up and wanted a relationship with his boy. He was crazy just like his mom with the gardening and growing flowers and he had some garden tools to give to his son from his parents. They knew the boy Mother very much and loved her just like a daughter and was heartbroken when they heard the news from their son that she passed away, because of her illness.

So, Randall hung up the phone and left the restaurant to go to his car and pulled it out of the parking lot to go and find some camping tools, because he was going camping to the woods.

Acer left the restaurant and rode his bike to the store to buy some camping tools for his camping trip and his friends was meeting him in a hour to go camping. He asked his Mom to go with them on the trip and wanted to shared this experience with her. Even though she was his Stepmom that his Stepdad married after his mom passed away he tooked care of him and he missed her very much and always have her memories of her and her loved for gardening they did together.

After awhile the boys meet up and arrived at their destination in the woods, the girls just pulled into their grandparents camp and the boys was not that faraway from their camp. They could hear them in the distance, as they gather their things went inside of the camp.

Acer and the boys just pitch their tents up and was gathering firewood for the campfire later. His Mom asked him, about the girls next door and wanted to know, if they should invite them over later for a campfire? He thought that was a great idea and went over next door to see them. He knocked on the door and Anna answer the door, She greeted him in and they was just getting their groceries put away when he knocked and he asked them, "if they wanted to come over later to our camp for a campfire?" They told him, "Yes!" and they will bring the marshmallows over later around seven, he shooked his head and waved goodbye to them went back over to his camp where his Mom was waiting for the firewood.

He pulled into a quiet spot not that faraway from the Camps and watched the boys and girls gather around the campfire roasting marshmallows, drinking hot chocolate by the campfire. He sat up his Camp and decided to get a closer looked at the companions by the fire. He dugout his flashlight and climbed a tree to watched the boy, to see what he is up too or should he go over and introduce himself to the boys Mom. He thought going over to introduce himself to his mom was a great idea and a good start to get closer to the boy he thought out loud.

So, he gather his things and went over to join the campfire with his companions. He walked over to their camp and said, Hello to the boys mom. She introduce herself as Joy Kent and this Acer,.... I am Randall I am camping over there in the woods taking some pictures of nature. I have a message to give to your son from his real Dad, he has been looking for him and wanted to tell him, how sorry to hear about his mom passing and had some garden tools to give him from his grandparents. If that is alright with you Acer,..I am also a private investigator too and I worked for your Dad, he wanted my help to locate you. I can give him a called if that is alright with you, and you can talked to him. No, that is alright thanks for the message and I will talked to you later. For their is a garden I would like to explore later with my friends. Yes I heard stories about a garden in the woods that had a secret passageway with some grave stones, that happen to be a part of my history in my Mom family he told him, If it is alright with you Acer, I would like to go and explore the garden too and to get some really nice pictures of the garden to shared with my family and friends. Acer agreed with him and allow him to go with him to explore the Garden in the woods.

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A. l. Graf
20:08 Mar 05, 2020

This story has potential, but there is some work to be done on it: There are a lot of grammatical and punctuation errors. The point of view seems to change because of the lack of quotations. The use of pronouns is continually confusing to the point that the reader doesn't know who the author is talking about. The story starts out talking about two girls and their interests, who have nothing to do with the rest of the story. The reader starts out wanting to know more about those girls, instead of the main protagonist. There also isn...


Tina Laing
12:47 Mar 12, 2020

Thank you Ashely for your comments,and thanks for reading my story, now I know I need a lot of practice. So thanks so much for your wonderful feedback.


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Tina Laing
21:27 Feb 25, 2020

It is about a boy who goes on adventure to the woods to find a secret passgeway to a garden that his mom grew up in.


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