Pj Aitken

Author on Reedsy Prompts since May, 2021

Stories (48)

48 Stories

2324 karma pts

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“Feeling Flush 🚽👵🏻” by Pj Aitken

“TOILETS!” whaled Geraldine at her startled grand daughter. “What, Nana?” asked Michelle truly perplexed by this sudden outburst just as they were getting somewhere. “Toilets!” Geraldine repeated at a lower volume. Michelle was shaking her head trying to join the dots but sadly the context still too hazy. “… you’re gonna need to give me more detail as I’m not following.” “Oh you know… to...

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“It’s My Party! 🦏 🪩 🎁 ” by Pj Aitken

Staring at his shoes as they scraped petulantly along the floor towards his seat, Ronnie the Rhino tried his best to remember exactly how he got to this point. Wracking his brains to no avail he sat down and whispered to his colleague to help him remember. Whispering back two wonderful words into his ear, Ronnie’s eyes glazed over as he leapt back with gusto to those heady days before he had to tolerate all this nonsense.————Fifteen months previously, after yet another day of meetings, meetings, meetings, a younger and more ...

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“The Name Of The Fame Game 🎤🎶😡” by Pj Aitken

Cassie stood frozen to the spot trying to slow her breathing as she felt the embers of her fury start to drift upwards from her toes towards the top of her head. From an early age she’d had a temper but had done all of the necessary and recommended therapy and training to master and contain it for the most part. However, on this occasion she could feel the emotional lava creep further up her legs.It’s not like she’d not done an audition before but she had not expected such harsh criticism for this kind of job. Her brain was trying ...

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“Stake My Breath Away 🦇🐺” by Pj Aitken

Moving one catch and then the other, Simon wrestled open the shed door as quietly as someone at 4.30am could manage. Once inside he began to move paint pots, ladders and soil out of the way so he could reach the main event. Covered in dust and dried paint, Simon felt a wave of regret knowing he should have done this years ago. With all of the items off to one side Simon grabbed one end of his late Grandad Abrah...

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“Fir Enough 🌲 ” by Pj Aitken

“Grow up, Jeff! You’re such a wuss! Let’s go a bit further!” Tanya used the whingeing voice her brother made as a kid.Jeff rolled his eyes and conceded to his sister for the millionth time in his life.Trudging through the snowy fields at night to the forest, Walter, Jeff and Tanya were struggling to hold the tools they needed to carry out their annual tradition.“Guys, let’s just chop these ones down as I can’t feel my legs.” whined Jeff, slapping his limbs to see if they were blocks of ice. Tanya and Walter continued ...

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“Just Right 🚪🗝” by Pj Aitken

“Come on Bea calm down for me!”“I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, DADDY! I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN BUT NOBODY LISTENS!”“Of course we do!”“NOOOO YOU DON’T!”“The noise you’re making, I’d be surprised if the whole world wasn’t listening in to your tantrum podcast.”“OH VERY FUNNY, DADDY. MR COMEDIAN NOW ARE WE?”“Well you have to admit you’re being a bit silly.”“SILLY! ME, SILLY?!? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LEFT THE FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED!”“…”“WHAT’S WRONG? NOT GOT ANYTHING FUNNY TO SAY?”“Bea,...

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“Bark In Time 🐕⏱” by Pj Aitken

“Okay this is it, old girl. Ready?”Mollie licked her nose making sure it was wet enough, shook her shaggy head at her best friend in the whole world, to bravely say in her poochy way that she was ready. This was what she was born to do and had spent years learning to understand her master’s demands and perfect the mission she was about to carry out. What started as sit, talk and stay soon evolved into pick up, open, count and then in recent months she learnt to write. Well, as much as a dog can manage with a pen in her mouth. It wa...

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“Tooth Hurty 🦷🪥👽” by Pj Aitken

“Keith, you’ve done well so far by coming into the building this time, staying in the waiting room and now you’ve sat in the chair for longer than ten seconds but please keep your mouth open wide.“Please try not to talk, you’re spitting into my face and I can’t understand you because your mouth is wide open and I’m trying to inspect your teeth.“You’ve been so brave so far Keith but now I need to numb your mouth so we can start the first filling. “Please stop shouting! Are you crying? Come on, calm down Keith!...

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“No One Messes With Terry!” by Pj Aitken

The last 18 months had been a whole new level of stress for Terry with lockdown after lockdown causing his little corner shop to be on the verge of closing permanently. After months of only scraping by with his loyal customers popping in when it was safe, today was the day when lockdown six would be lifted and Terry can finally see his finances turn a corner. He’d woken up early to stock the shelves with his big sellers ...

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“Blind Wait” by Pj Aitken

“Hiya chucks! It’s that time of the day again where we play a game of “Blind Wait” in this hospital reception to entertain all of you as you wait a ridiculously long time to see a doctor.“Remember this is only possible because of the wonderful way our National Health Service in the UK is criminally underfunded. All those lorra lorra promises of extra funding for the NHS that never happened post-Brexit, writing off billions of public money on pandemic fraudsters and purchasing billions of pounds worth of rubbish PPE!! You lucky thin...

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“SuperCallumFragileMisfitsBehaviourWasAtrocious!!” by Pj Aitken

“Hi! You must be Callum?” “And you must be Rita? You look gorgeous tonight!” Nervously giving each other the first impression assessment, Callum and Rita were pleasantly surprised that for once the photo on the app underplayed the in-person experience.  “Thank you! I love your suit. Very.. erm.. fitted and tight.” “I’m relieved actually because I don’t do this a lot and was worried it wouldn’t...

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“Heaven Sent” by Pj Aitken

Heaven Sent Replies (reply@heavensent.god)To: Matt Matheson (mmatheson@inlook.com) Hey son,   Please don’t panic and I know this is going to sound ridiculous but it’s your Dad here. I’m writing to you from beyond the pearly gates. Not sure how I managed it but it’s true, the big guy let me in! Apparently they let all the new arrivals contact one (and only one) of their nearest and dearest to let them know they’re safe and sound in the afterlife so here we are. Now I know what you’...

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“Wed or Dead” by Pj Aitken

The bullet ricocheted off Kaz’s ski sending it skimming off her foot and causing her other ski to dig into the icy slope, flipping her body into the air. A million thoughts flew through her brain, as she attempted a triple axle with broken ski routine, trying to understand exactly how she missed the fact someone was trying to kill her.  Something had been off for the whole weekend but she’d hoped it was just nerves rathe...

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“In It To Win It ” by Pj Aitken

“Two sugars?” asked Tony holding Colin’s cup of tea out towards his illustrious boss. “… no just milk, Tone,.” Colin responded with his voice set to “Won’t Suffer Fools” mode. “Really? Since when?” asked Tony sounding like he’d just discovered who assassinated JFK. “Since always, Tone. You just keep forgetting!” sighed Colin at his dim PA whilst also rolling his eyes, he decided not to pat his head a...

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“Hello From The Other Side” by Pj Aitken

“Welcome back everyone to “Morning Call with Sandra and Derek” live from OTV London Studios! Today we have renowned psychic Todd Mentaliss with us and he will be helping our viewers with their problems. Welcome Todd!”“Thanks Sandra! It’s a pleasure to be here! I’m excited about helping your viewers out there!”“Keep that excitement going Todd as we head straight to line 1 where we have Jess from Liverpool. Jess, how can Todd help you today?”“Hi Sandra, so great to talk to you. Hi Todd! I’d like you to help me…...

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Author bio

An aspiring loon who is enjoying writing a large portfolio of fantastic future bestsellers. First two children’s books will be published in 2023.