Commented on: Kids
18:47 Aug 23, 2019
I had no idea when I arrived on this site that I'd struck gold. I got to read a story, comment on its virtues or lack of and read some whacky comments.
I just can't wait to get stuck in and send some feathers flying.
First, the story. Amy? You write some very lumpy sentences. May I suggest you read them aloud and you'll see what I mean. For example, 'She about what she wanted from her life.'
Some of your sentences go on and on and on. Then there are the real howlers,
'In her junior year, Vanessa, who Cassie had become close with and cont... read more